Most days I struggle to make sense of what I'm feeling.
Others, I just wish I could stop feeling completely.
I talk about compassion for others but when tested I have nothing but hate and bad feeling for everyone.
I want to smile and shrug it all off but instead I clench my teeth and scratch  my palms till they're full of red welts.
It's like a war in my head, the sad versus the evil.
The good just has to much pride to fight and my mind is in pieces.

I don't call them demons nor evils but indeed they are.
A skeletal face with hallowed black eyes and the smallest of pupils.
Hair so dead and lifeless, it looks as if it had been burned.
A mouth so sick with lips tight and thin and wrinkled.
The teeth a grey faded type of white, none are crooked but all are small or too big, jagged and sharp, weak and mean.
The skin is a sickened white leather with cuts hidden within wrinkles and sags.

This tortured disturbed face whispers nothing but evil to me.
It tells me to let myself allow pain over others in my time of struggle.
To let others suffer when I need to be a savior.
It makes me sick with a poisonous type of anger and hate that I am constantly crying. I am constantly contemplating suicide.
I am so tired of life, if I could just surrender my soul and being, I would.

I'm so sick of this voice, I fantasize of the day my mind just stops racing. Stops moving.
And all is finally calm and I can relax for the first time.