1. You see, I love to play cards 

    But if there was ever a time for a poker face it'd be this

    Pretend that what hurts the most is the news your brother is a scene kid

2. That's me 

    Because she kept the first one

3. Considering her children come from a grand total of 1-2-3 fathers

    I expected her to at least be pretty

    But enough about her

4. Alyssa, Brendan, Sadie, McGregor

    Man I wish I knew them

    Alyssa, remembers losing her baby brother at the age of two

    Brendan, man, I could get that kid some real music

    Sadie, from the looks of it she's got it more together than I do

    McGregor, I'm sorry you got stuck with that name, but you're still a handsome little devil

    That's right I looked you all up in an attempt to be the sibling I never got a chance too

5. B-R-E-T-T

    Spells Dad 

    I don't know much else

    Except for when I was born you were serving for grand theft auto

     I've got a lot of questions

    Like am I going to go bald?

    How often do you think of me?  

    Do you have blue eyes too?

    How many others did you bring into this world?  

6. Condom? 

7. Mistake?   

    I can only assume so

8. Let me say this  

   I hope this mistake is on your minds every waking day  

   That you wonder just as I did   

   I hope my name rattles in your head   

   Reduces your will to rubble 

   And search as you may I hope you find nothing

   I hope you pass me on the street  

   Know that I'll have nothing to do with you

   I hope you suffer the same as I did  

9. Now they may be a pain

    But I'll be playing cards with my family

    My real family