Welcome Home
I would rather be numb then feel the highs and lows in a lifetime.
I don't ever want to feel emotion because of how they make me feel.
How I feel.
Emotions are bad.
It's as if the lows outweigh the highs and there is nowhere else to turn.
To get out.
I want to go home.
I want to be at home.
I want to be welcomed home but often get lost in the quicksand I call feelings.
I search and search for MY home.
Never found it.
What is home?
Does it feel like ̈happiness ̈?
I've never really noticed
̈ ̈happiness¨.
I look up to all the people who have it and can find the true definition of something I strongly desire so badly.
I often find myself wondering if ̈happy ̈ is a made up word as if someone finally, somehow found their way out of depression, anxiety, grief, stress, pressure, sorrow and just named whatever they were feeling
̈happiness ̈.
Here I am, again, sitting in a place I wish I could call home, sadness slowly engulfing me.
Is this, THIS, rock bottom?
Is it desperate to want the feeling of happiness so bad, you wouldn't even care if its fake?
I would finally be welcomed.
Just maybe.
Welcomed home, joining my peers around me in fake happiness̈.