"When I Loved As Does the Sun"

"I am not what I am,"
once said an honest man.
The Truth was never said more
Clearly;
there is the me,
and there is the eye.
Ride my own as they roll back to see the mind behind the
hardened face.

There was a time when I loved as does the sun;
with many a free embrace, and
ultimate oblivion.
Wanton warmth where sheet-white heartskin sat
turned some relationships flat, burned others black.

But it was still such beautiful love for a while, even if just that of a child.

No.

I am older now. 

I wear my wrongs like scars I wish I could not see
in the mirror and when the carefree me begins to surface I must turn away
for shame and keep him quick at bay before they see I am a child. 
Drown him in a pillow until he falls asleep. 

Because if I ever stop to smell the roses my demons will swallow me. 
But aren't I a demon not to smell the roses?

So this is what I am. I am not the heart-shaped smile or the brow-shaped frown.
I am the lamb of love that's lost yet never begun. 
I am two, have been one. 
But there was a time when I loved as does the sun.