When My Kids were 9

When my kids were 9,

I would never say those things. Harsh criticism leaked through my lips no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

Burning anger living in the middle of my chest and my mind becoming a ball of mess.

 

When my kids were 9,

I would never look at them like that.

Eye’s filled with disgust of such largely massed girls.

Words slowly turned into bullets, my ignorance preventing me from understanding what I’ve caused.

 

When my kids were 9,

I would never act like that.

Purposely act stupid to avoid the aftermath of being shut down.

Hidden 2 faces away from the brutal world until they caged me in with their words that would be too harsh for me to cope.

 

Now at 16,

I wish I gave them more.

Daughters turned into ticking time bombs as I tried to uphold the love between us, until they exploded.

Tried to dig under heavy barricades until I realized how deep I had hurt them with my stupidity.

 

Now at 16,

I wish I acted more like a dad.

 

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