Why?

I never thought, 

I never questioned, 

I never wondered-

When you are young 

You do not think about the consequences.

Youth is a blindfold

It keeps you from seeing all the arrows life shoots

At the apple on your head-

This is how everything was supposed to be

Everyone came from a sob story

Why should mine be any more special?

In your eyes

I was never any more special… unique…beautiful

Stomach rolling, 

Throat clenched tight 

At the sounds

Footsteps. Approaching. 

Thump thump thump

Your hand’s steel grip on my innocent pale arm

The room is so black, are my eyes even open?

Click. 

Thump-thump thump-thump

Locked door. Racing heart. Three hours.

Eyes squeezed shut

 Tears threatening to spill

How do you sleep at night, dad?

With the ever present knowledge of those wounds you left on me

Not visible, not anymore

Isn’t there guilt?

Some regret?

A little shame?

Maybe even fear?

I know we haven’t spoken for quite some time-

11 years 122 days and counting-

But if I see you

Today,

Tomorrow,

Or twenty seven years from now

I will still ask you the same question

The hardest question

For the answer I deserve

And the one that you owe