Waiting for me to catch myself make a mistake

A mistake I will make 

And mistakes I have made

Every day, little or large, 

Takes me one more inch under

One bit deeper

Closer to my demise

 

As if I were to be Alice

Down a pitless rabbithole of confusion

I watch as characters from my life come and go

As if I wasn't good enough for them 

Or maybe I was too much?

 

Maybe, just maybe, 

They were the ones that were flawed

Maybe they weren't enough

Too much?

No.

It was me

 

My anxiety is a cage

And I can see everyone around me

Living and laughing and loving

My eyes are stuck on them

And I know it means nothing

But on my worst days it means everything

It means everything.