A  year ago I cried.

I watched the ceiling fan all day long, simply watching the day pass, waiting for the sunlight to stop shining through my sheer curtains.

 

A year ago I let those around me define who I was.

I shed my individuality to the crowd, sacrificed my personality to my best friend, and sold the jewel within myself to the highest bidder.

 

A year ago I was so overwhelmed by the darkness surrounding me that I blinded myself.

I ignored those thoughts that appealed to the red blooming flowers and the cloudless sky. I did not stop to wonder at the way the light crept through the windows in the early hours of the morning. I yielded no attention to the way the ocean reflected bright oranges and pinks while simultaneously encompassing dark creatures and descended into blackness.

 

A year ago I suppressed the spirit within me that so desperately demanded to be expressed.

I left my paintbrushes untouched, my sketchbooks closed and tucked away. The cobwebs grew fond of my spiral notebooks, sheathing life and ideas and color.

 

But it is not last year. It is a new year.

And every dot on my canvas counts.

Although there is a dark region on my painting, it was necessary.

My artwork would not be a masterpiece without the shading; the picture would lie dead on the page without contrast and depth.

 

So I open my sketchbooks, letting them spill over with renewed vitality.

They breathe life into me, they help me reestablish myself.

I paint myself back together, using a delicate brush over the sensitive areas of dark colors and scratchy textures.

 

Life will always return with nurturance and time. It desires to continue and grow, it wants to show you places and things, it begs for you to notice the hint of purple in the clouds, the faint glimmer of metallic gold in your eyes.

 

I grow and change with it. I go freely, willingly, allowing it to sway me wherever it deigns. My paintbrush, an extension of my mind, a fracture of my soul, retouches the neglected pieces into a beautiful collage.

 

This year, I am color and life and light.

A masterpiece in and of itself.