Ache

It hurts again

This familiar pain

The ache in your chest

The depressing rain

The gloomy sky

So high above

It feels cold

And chilly

And somehow wet

And it feels like

Just like

Suspended sorrow

Or grief

In midair

And it saddens me

Brings me down

Because it feels like

Everything is the same

Nothing is out of place

Or out of order

It's terribly dull

Nothing exciting

No adventure

To be found

Memories play

In the background

Flashbacks are common

As I stare

From the window

To the wavering reeds

 That surround the pond

My eyes feel like crying

But I hold the tears back

I don't want them to see

The strong girl

Shed her weakness

Because she is the rock

The support

For everyone else

And she grows tired

Of her role

But what else

Can she do

But to fulfill her duty

She cannot escape 

She must be there

Without her

Everything falls

And while it may seem

Nice to be important

It's also a big burden

To her 

Which nobody else sees

And it makes her feel 

A tad lonely

Because there's nobody there

To share what it feels

Not to talk

There's never time for her

Even though she makes time

For everyone else

For her

Everyone seems to disappear

When she's appeared

To them so many times

To provide comfort

Sometimes

She feels furious

And oh so hurt

But in the end

What does it matter

To feel that way

When nobody cares

To listen or to say

Before you can stop

A tear trails down

Pain builds up 

In your chest

And you frown

At the drop

Of salty water

That landed

On your sleeve

Lost in your thoughts

For such a long time

I used my imagination

To support me

And I envisioned

People who cared

And people who 

Listened

Spoke

I used fantasy

Lost wishes

Fading dreams

To grasp onto life

And onto hope

I used my heart

As my shield

And it turned

 Into icy steel

That can't be fooled

With people's gestures

Charismatic words

Well meaning smiles

I'm so weary

Of all this 

Acting I've done

A front to bring up

Because I won't

I can't 

Bear it if

My heart

Is shattered

Again

Because it will

Definitely hurt

So much

I know it

And I'm wise

Enough to know

That I can't 

Handle that

But an unspoken wish

Drifts up from within

So deep inside

My precious memories

My yearning heart

Wanting to smile

And laugh

And be happy

The wish

Of wanting

Someone 

To come along

And understand

And to stay

And to not leave

Like everyone else

Has done

So many times

And my cheeks are aflame

Embarrassed at the audacity

Purely mortified shame

Because I don't deserve it

Not at any rate

But somehow 

A part of me 

Says I do

Though I call it vanity

And shove it all away

Restless nights

Are spent wondering 

On what kind of guy

My future will bring

Or if I'm a girl

Who ends up alone

I turn over confused

Because I want to be

Independent

In every way

I can be

I protect my heart

Ever so zealously

It's a little scary

To think about

Being so vulnerable

But I comfort myself

With the thought

Of having someone

Who knows it all

And is there

To lend a shoulder

To rub my back

To wipe away

The mourning tears

To give a hug

To tease me

To ease away the fear

It sounds so much

To ask for

I feel utterly selfish

It's a secret desire

Just wanting 

That special person

To heal this pain

It feels horrible

To expect all this

From one guy

But I dream

Of one day

Having that

Special bond

I don't want a boss

Nor a servant

No underling

No teacher

No parent

What I want

Is a best friend

A dear friend

A precious treasure

Someone to cherish

To give tender care

To wipe each other's 

Painful tears

And talk for so long

We don't even notice

The time passing by

I break this train 

Of longing thoughts

And heeave a great sigh

I act so cold

And tough

And cheerful

In life

But inside

I ache so bad

At wanting

 Something that

This world 

Can't offer

It has drugs

And violence

What I'm trying to say

I don't even know

But one thing is clear

And that is

The world

Just doesn't have

Enough love

And it shows. 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
Our world

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