Amen to Love

 

“A toast to the good times and the ugly times too because they make me”—Zora Howard

 

This is for the girls who cornered me in the gym room,

who put my shoes in the toilet,

who threw milkshakes on my clothes,

Amen, because you carved my mouth into an opera house.

you taught me my voice is not a surrender

You made my fists into peace offerings.

 

This is for the boys who would aim for me during dodge ball,

amen to making these legs nimble,

who taught me I could take a bullet straight to the chest and not bleed.

This is for the kids who always picked me last for every game,

amen for showing me how to be an actual human,

one with compassion for blood,

because I will pick everyone first to be on my team.

 

This is for the junior high bullies

who said I was too dark to be human.

I am not human.

I am so much galaxy and light

you would have sworn I had given birth to the sun.

I am the reason stars skip across the sky in brilliant dances of color.

My skin is brilliant dances of color.

You may treat me as though I’m the ground you walk on,

but you cannot stand without me.

 

Amen to be people who were my friends to my face

and were the first to stab in me the back.

You have made my spine straighter,

my rib cage into a breast plate

my heart a coveted wish,

 

Amen to my father, who told me I would be nothing,

who said I was useless with all his teeth

Amen to the ass whoopings

for they made me a better runner.

 

Amen to the motherfuckers to told me,

“No you can’t.”

I dare you, tell me I can’t. Motherfucker, watch me.

Watch me become a star ready to supernova,

 

This is for my sister who wished me dead on my birthday,

you made me love myself more.

Amen to love,

amen to civil war I was,

amen to the bare knuckle fist fight that I was,

Amen to the slit wrists that I was.

Amen for being more than a survivor.

Amen for being the fight and the lover.

To the Independence Day that I am.                   

To the celebration that I always be.

 

Amen to nights of unbearable sadness,

the ones that drown you silence.

Amen for being so heavy with every dying star in the sky.

Amen to seeing the next day,

Amen for being so full of light the darkness can’t swallow you.

Amen to not being the strangled neck,

to not being the kicked out chair.

 

Amen to second chances.

 

Amen to falling,

because I will get back up.

Amen to being pushed down,

because I will get back up.

Amen to failing,

because I will get back up.

 

Amen to love,

because they didn’t win.