And thus the world opens up unto the river

What comes before the calming storm
Than chaos, unfiltered, unfettered, noise
Day by day, night after unrelenting night
I am only clear unto myself
For the ones, them and they
Can not understand, or is it won't?
Impossible to decipher,
Improbable to me,
The wayward run, here and there,
There abouts, everywhere
The cogs in my head,
A confusing mess of oil and grease
To them, perplexed
If only I would, if only I could
Convey, my internal mechanisms
Perhaps then?
Perhaps not?
Stumbling words
In which I'm caught
Easier? Yes and as years gone by
Still a struggle like a cast die