i've prayed in bathrooms
and i've wept into bus seats

i've bled onto post office keys
to dropboxes i never visited

i bought a pet spider after
a fifteen-minute deliberation

and pretended to be in love
for over a year

i just wanted a world
with calm voices and

no eye contact

i wanted the itching
to cease in my spine

and i wanted my shirt sleeves
to finally feel long enough

when i slept i wished
it would not perch on my chest

nursing my head with cold memories
and reminding me just how bitter

it is to exist

with all of these eyes upon me.