Artificial Starlight

Lark,

 

My voice could never reach your ears, but I hope this letter might. Listen for a moment, nothing more. Let my moonlit misery reach your heart and fall into you.

I built your name with a song in my head. Your voice is heavy on my lips in the memory of you. Fractals of questions, spiral on, my love. It's in consequence and in reason.

I framed your breath with a choir of a chorus, melodies of chiming sighs. It's an old tune, a weeping friend. Listen now, your ears were made from heartstrings and lonely calls in the rain. I could hear you, but the dripping phone box held no answers. Quiet tones and shaken heads, turn my way, don't you remember? You were throwing stones at the empty graveyard that rests my soul, your words pierced through me.

We were happy once, cherry blossoms on your skin. Snap and unravel, you saw me with your crystal eyes. Moonlight shining window panes, alone but not lonely, never here. Constellations shine on your skin, not to be grounded, closer to stars. I've loved in your light. Spoken while you sleep, careful tones about you. Careful tomes about you, so much to say.

Anchored by your hand and freed by your heart, you were a mystery to me. Raptured words traced the page, all aside, soft sigh of sleep. Butterfly, dancer. Marble walls to keep you, no, humble support stays. Shells under feet and laughed on the wind. Hold the walls, give us freedom, give us hope.

All but to be shattered by the war within.

You played my heart like a cello, pulled these strings from my chest and made me new. I'm hoping, I'm knowing, it all comes back to you. Echoing through this silence, raindrops on the windowpanes, I'd like to hear it again. Come together, fall apart, it's these spaces that find me hopeful. Whatever could go wrong?

Don't remember, don't forget, it's in my brain, coaxed by your gentle touch. It's the dawn, it's an old lie, it's these sorrowful strings. I miss you, I miss you. I can't escape these thoughts.

I’ve tried to move on, but you've broken me down from the inside.

Drink your way past the point of caring, tip your sorrows on my tongue. I'm used, I'm gone, I'm empty. It's just a dream, just the lull of a lullaby as the song plays on.

Sink toward the horizon, lamplight on the street, I can see you. My footsteps are made from broken hearts and dissonant melodies, I’m wishing for you now. Call me by name, I want to hear my words on your lips one last time.

Bare boards creak under foot, bare words sting on the ears, bare hands to hold in mine, I'm sorry. Autumn to ash, it's burning, I’m running, you’re gone. The leaden sky is shot with violets and satin, it’s pouring gold on the cobbled streets and alley gutters.

Crowded dreams and liquid moments, I can feel this tipping, tripping. Fall down with me, spiral on, oh petty voices I never knew, I'll never know. It's fine, I'm fine, it's over.

I'm falling asleep and I'm falling apart. I can no longer stand the sound of my own voice. I can taste it in the salt of your sweat and the shadows of my words when they leave your lips. I can sense it in you, the mirror of me. The traces my soul leaves on your tongue.

A solemn glance, and it's in your eyes, the stars dancing and coming to a standstill, but only when your gaze turns to me. I bite my lip, I can't say, can't voice the thoughts in my head. There's no need for a birdcall of empty phrases.

You're robbing my breath of the silent plea, “don't go, don't go.” We both know how this ends. Morning turns to Mourning- for all the lost opportunities. Broken mirrors and broken glass, it won't pass easy. More than a glance, but less than a stare, you're out the door. I'm lonely, alone. Keep your sorrow and focus, but ah, never in focus without the lens in you.

Spiderweb fingertips and wasted penstrokes, don't come back, I'll be fine.

Ending days of summer haze and sunsets light this scene. Forget about it, let it slip past, I'm gone.

I always remember those times of wandering, wanting, a disaster waiting to happen until it finally did.

You've broken me to my core. I'm trying to hate you but it's so difficult when you look my way. You're a sickness, you're a bastard saint of false appearances. I'm choking on your alibis while you laugh it all off.

You were dressed in woven sunsets that day, wrapped in porcelain thread. You had no right to be that pretty, standing moonlight. Perched on the balcony and gasping at the star-strewn void, like you had never seen the shifting sky before. Magenta hues drawing in soft blues, shot through with lavender and gold. You wore the evening sky, and you were it's fragile stars. When you turned my way, I knew nothing at all.

I still dream of you, stepping stones of carousels, horses that fly from the strings of a puppet’s wheeled hands. Fragile moonbeam, do you love me? Still can you hear my voice? There’s whispers of your name scattered in my soul, but there’s tragedy on my tongue. Careful choir of broken glass, speaking lilting phrase to the passage of time, echoing sounds in safe spaces as the doves fall into sleep. Wander truly, never lost. Sleep deeply, never found. Isn’t that what you said?

Common sense and lies unspoken, is it I who became the sickness? Was I the problem? Your crystalline fingers are tracing my tears, I still love you, I'm wishing you the best. You're a violet moonbeam in this light, I forgive you, against my better judgment. I miss you, I wish you well.

Don't respond to my letter, hearing your voice and wishing for your words won't help me. I'm gone.

 

Forever yours, Aeris

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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