People say if your parents are alcoholics then you’ll be one

But my mother isn’t.

And people say if your parents are drugies you’ll be one,

But I’m not!

I’ve never witnessed my father force cocaine through his veins;

Never knew his addiction brought so much pain.

But back then I didn’t know anything.

I was just a tot with careless thoughts.

I didn’t know of my mom’s request from the bank or even why she’d work two to three hours late.

I didn’t know she resulted to starvation without any hesitation for her daughter’s health.

I was too young to even know she starved herself.

But now I know…

Although what I don’t I question,

Like if trying drugs was an obsession or was it supposed to be a depressant?

Did you try heroin, stick a needle through your skin?

I remember,

So many questions would play through my mind

As I’d sit there and cry at night…

Wondering why my father didn’t love me even though I had one,

But didn’t really have one because even though he was alive

He didn’t treat me like I was!

My father is not the man he should’ve been,

Now trying to be the man he could’ve been

Trying to call and invite me over again.

With 5 other kids that aren’t even his…

At least not all of them.

I am no longer ignorant.

He is being the father to them that he wasn’t to me even though three of the kids might not be his.

But he claims them and pays child support that he deprived me of because he was never there to make a payment!

It’s sad when the first check your mother gets is for 25 cents!

The stamp cost more than that.

So let me give you my two cents that you need to get the youngest two tested…

Because two of them aren’t yours,

And I haven’t even seen the youngest.

Although my brother tells me you’ve been drinking as a substitution for your addiction…

They say it’s a cycle that plays over and over that passes to the next generation.

But I’ve experienced bad things in the world,

Including my dad’s bad decisions.

So when people are out partying and they invite me

I say “No!”

When they ask why

I don’t want to tell them what I could be

Because I don’t want to be him,

I want to be what he could’ve been.