Every single night,
the same ol’ song and dance.

Too many thoughts and nothing but questions,
not enough actions, yearning for the romance
of it all to return.

Stomach’s still turning,
churning, burning,
constantly.

I can’t breathe,
it’s like I’m being suffocated,
by every mistake I’ve made,
all at once.

Days and week and months
of mistakes
Years and years
all compiled into this
   heavy weight
compounded together 
   into a brick
suffocating me. 

I can feel the tears pricking
but I refuse to let them free
    not again
    not so soon.

I feel like
   clawing at my skin
trying to find some way
   to release these mistakes
   out from underneath

The darkness sets in again
   and I can’t breathe

But the suffocating feeling
and the darkness
have become friends

I welcome them
   with open arms
simple because they
   are the only constant I know

And what can I trust
if not the constants in my world.