How my brain responds to I love you

How my brain responds to “I love you”:

 

I don’t believe you. Not because I don’t believe in you because I do believe in you, but what I mean is that I don’t trust you. Not because I don’t love you because dammit I do love you, but that doesn’t mean I trust you. Meaning, I don’t trust that you’ll always love me. I don’t trust that you won’t someday leave me. I can’t be sure that you feel the same way I feel when I think about you. You see I’m a survivor, that’s what my friend used to say when we played capture the flag in the dark. I do what it takes to survive and if that means not trusting you when you say I love you, then so be it. I’ve learned to put up walls around ever corner of my heart to protect it from the outside world, to stop myself from falling into enemy territory. I am an expert at building walls, maybe I should have run for President. I’ve lived long enough to make many mistakes, including not telling you that I love you the moment I knew it was true. But they say if you don’t learn from your mistakes, then you are a fool. My mother didn’t raise a fool. My father didn’t raise a child. I will not make the same mistakes twice. But that’s why I have to be so careful. You see I know how it feels to have trusted someone. I know how it feels to have loved someone. I know how it feels to have believed someone only to discover it was all a lie. I know you tell me every time I think these things that you are not like that, that it won’t be the same story, but you see..... that’s exactly what they said.

 

How my mouth responds to “I love you”:

 

“I love you more”

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