I Am A Liar

I am a liar and I lie to myself everyday

Wake up every morning, telling myself that it’s just another day

But I already know what kind of day it is

I’ll be just like every yesterday that I hated

I tell myself that I don’t need a mirror, I look perfect

Just a stuck-up lie, giving me a reason to avoid my reflection

Because the man in the mirror only shows me my imperfections

The reasons I have to keep living are the ones that keep my mind astray

My thoughts are sometimes pushed aside to float peacefully on the ocean

While others are not so luck and are jailed at the back of my throat

Just waiting to escape from my lips after being tortured to stay silent

I mask myself all day behind a glass wall that no one can see through

And anyone trying to tap on the glass was told to move along

As if the self-doubt they see in me is just an illusion of what’s true

A book cover cleverly edited to ease the tension of what’s prolonged

I am a liar and I lie to them to get through the day

My teachers think I’m one of the AP slash honor students who keeps to himself

They don’t know how anxious I get about the future and how much I think about killing myself

My friends see a classmate who knows everything and can always help with their homework

They forget how much I overwork to the point where I almost stop sleeping

I’ve already stopped dreaming ever since I thought about how to be more appealing

Using weights that can only lift for so much compensation from self-consciousness

I’ve procrastinated because a mistake is not made by a perfectionist

My parents see a son with good grades and a potential future

But a single B has made me feel like a complete failure

No one worries about me because I’ve kept a smile on for as long as I can remember

And I’ve managed to convince myself that I am happy with delusional memories

I may be a liar but this poem is not a lie

Because my art and poetry are the only places I cannot deny me

Before this poem, this is who I use to be