I lost myself. I lost myself when I stopped looking people in the eyes because all mine held was pain anymore and it hurt like hell to talk about it.  I lost myself when every weekend after that horrible night those bad habits took over and I made all those mistakes to dull out the pain.  I lost myself when my heart would sink so deep into my chest when I heard his name that vomit would come up and I would have to leave the room because he was happy with her and my heart was breaking all over again.  I lost myself when tears were an everyday thing and whether I had a good day or bad day wasn't important because he wasn't there to share them with anymore.    I found myself when looking people in the eyes wasn't something I had to remind myself to do anymore because the pain in mine was subsiding.  I found myself when every weekend after that horrible night those bad habits disappeared and I didn't need anything to dull out the pain because it wasn't there anymore.  I found myself when hearing his name didn't cause my heart to sink and vomit to come up, but made me smile because I knew he was happy with her and we had a lot of good memories and I was okay now.  I found myself when tears weren't an everyday thing and whether I had a good or bad day was so important because whether or not he's here or not to spend them with wasn't important. I am important.  I found myself.