I've Been Losing

Dear friends, family and anyone else this letter reaches,


It’s so easy to find people who are broken and give in to the emotion that they’re feeling and let their struggles define who they are, and
it’s so easy to find people who are optimistic and constantly try to do better for themselves but have never had to fight tooth and nail for what they want.

To find people -
who have fought, who have scraped along, who have known what it’s like to be so close to giving in,
and giving up,
but despite all of that;
believe they can be who they want to be, and do what they’re passionate about
- is next to impossible.

It never goes away.
The anxiety is literally a constant battle every single second that I’m awake, and I thought I had gotten so damn good at winning but lately..
Lately, I’ve been losing.

This enemy knows no logic,
it knows no truth,
and has no specific environment.
When you’re happy it taunts you,
laughs at you,
asks you how short lived it will be.
It claws at you
and pins you down
and spits in your face -
Asks you, “How long do you think you can keep improving before you fuck something up?”
It asks you, “How long can this fragile little light that we call optimism stand up to the onslaught of everything that hurts and bends, burns and breaks?”
"How long will the light stay on once the walls that hold it up are torn down and darkness swallows it?”

The answer is:

Not very long.

That’s why you have to open the door and walk beyond those walls and face it head on.
You hit it before it grabs you,
and then you hit it some more.
You stomp it’s head in because you know that it would do the same thing to you and the ones that you love.
You pin it to the ground, but you don’t kill it because.. it can’t die.
That’s the advantage that it has over you.

You can win the fight over
and over
and over
and over again,
But it will always come back.

You can beat it every single day of your life,
and you will.
Just to show them that they’re worth more than it is.

That the pain,
and the scars,
and the darkness
will never, ever stand up
to the love,
and the joy,
and the light

that exists between you and them.


Sincerely, Sheldon White



This poem is about: 
My community
Our world


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741