Just Another White Girl

"You're white, you're a girl, your life is easy."

On the outside looking in, I suppose:

I am white, I am a girl.

I come from a white family

Born into happiness and health.

Raised with respect and manners.

Given all the necessities and more.

A loving family, food, shelter, clothes, finicial stablility.

I was loved by others.

Yet, my path became hazy.

Easy? Never easy.

My beauty didn't come from within, it came from the outside.

It came from self-harm, drug abuse, and eating disorders.

It came from tearing people down because I could not find the beauty in myself.

With a filter, I was "happy".

With a filter, I was "perfect".

With a filter, I "respected" myself.

With a filter, I was "popular".

With a filter, I was "ruthless".

With a filter, I was a "bitch".

With a filter, I was hiding myself.

I covered myself with filters for years.

And then I threw the filters away.

I learned who I was.

I accepted who I was.

I love who I am.

Without a filter, I am raw.

Without a filter, I am strong.

Without a filter, I am myself.

I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor eating disorders..

I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor of drug abuse.

I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor of self-harm and depression.

I am no longer a victim, I am survivor of rape.

Without a filter, I am beautiful.

Without a filter, I am pure.

I do not need to fight against myself.

I need to love myself, for myself.

And so I did.

Easy? Never easy.

There will always be a battle. 

Many people never see the true battle.

Many people will never see the person without the filter.

So I guess, for now,

The struggle will always be real for just another white girl.