There is no doubt in how much I love you;

even despite how much you utterly confuse all the same.

You are a piece of me, something that blossoms from the deepest cave of my stomach,

rushing up through my veins and exploding a smile to my cheeks.

Must I ask though? Why you never come anymore? Happiness, I miss you even when you are here.

The small moments of bursts only last seconds and then I’m brought to face your opposite.

I knew you when I was young, the most. When you would make my laugh echo throughout my childhood house as my father tickled my belly and my mother confessed her undying love just for me.

All for me. Why have you left now? Have I done something wrong, to shape the way you feel?

Happiness, I remember the way you would cause my eyes to crinkle in their corners. Towards things that were good for me. I am confused anymore, why my happiness, you, only come when I am around the worst of things.The rush of excitement that elopes inside my chest when she speaks to me.

A she who cannot love as I do. Why do you only come then?

And not when we are quiet and alone, and unharmed.

I feel as if I am forced to expose myself to the pain to feel you. 

Please, come back to me in my lonesome world. Allow me to be at peace and stop taking these pills to come up with an artificial you.

I miss you and the way the void in my chest is filled at your sight.

Happiness, you are the soft giggles of a child and the sound of my family singing “Happy Birthday” in my youth. All I ask, is to see you, for you to come home--even on the worst of days. When I do not want to climb out of bed to face your absences. I am trying to overcome all my flaws, as long as you hold my hand during this I know that I may be strong again. That I will be able to stand tall, smile the way you had once done for me before. I want to be happy, to be you. 

I hope you are well, I hope you will come soon and stay. You are missed by not just myself but those around me. I am better when you are here and they love me slightly more as I wear you on my skin. You are a shining glow of, “I’m okay,” ---you, make me okay.