An Open Letter to Fear

Dear Fear-

I apologize for the silly rhyme,

But it’s time we had a talk.

You see, I've been meaning to write this for a while

But I couldn’t find the words, couldn't blur

enough lines into symphonies, find the time to listen to the melodies

my thoughts try to convey, I have to say it would be

easier to swallow these feelings,

more appealing

than writing them out

than letting doubt sneak into every word

like a cancer that we thought had receded

But this needed to be said. Here and now.

 

I put finger to keyboard in an effort to

finally make you understand.

to reprimand you who wages war inside my heart

you that depart from amnesty and draw battle lines

In my my skin,

You begin each meeting casually,

expertly shrouding villainy in realism

before my thoughts become your weapons breeding  violence .

But my echo can no longer be silent.

 

Now we find ourselves  at a crossroads

one that shows how much I’ve let slip,

The life you rip away every time

you seek to up your score.

No more. I’ve made my choice.

my voice has been suppressed too long,

my chest caved in from all the words

you never let me speak,

And It’s been bleak,

But I write you a letter because it’s over

and you don’t deserve a proper goodbye,

My eyes will hold no tears. No shining banner

to call you back and welcome your return.

Today I burn any bridge I’ve used

to travel down melancholy roads of sadness into your arms

It is madness to think I've let you come this far

So I pen my declaration.

I don’t  care which road you seek, you have to leave.

 

It’s almost bittersweet, because

There was a time when you knew me

Better than I knew my own shadow,

You pretended to befriend me

while your gallows waited to string up my self confidence,

no sense in giving it the honor of a quick death.

Your breath reeked of animosity, but I somehow always

found myself drawn back in by its familiarity.

These were the years I leaned on you.

Like ropes in a boxing ring, like the

Dream of spring in the dead of winter., your words like splinters

burrowing themselves into my skin.

I never had them removed, because they were all I knew.

 

For too long you occupied a space in my heart,

and there was a part of me that needed you,

that heeded every tainted lie you ever told

to make up excuses for my lack of success.

How I  regret my longing  for the comfort of mediocrity.

How I so often sought the safety of giving up- enough!

 

I want to try, I want to fail and exist and grow,

I want to know that I'm making a dent in the armor of apathy

this world has become so infatuated with,

I want to give my heart to someone ,

because I no longer see love

as the  winning lotto ticket

i'm too unfortunate to obtain,

I no longer believe love will remain illusive,

The intrusive acquaintance that leaves town

without a word -love is no longer absurd.

I no longer see it as a door to door salesman

peddling promises of happiness that break down after a week.

 

No.

love is the caring neighbor that seeks you out for

casual talks about the weather

so they can cloak their true intentions

of seeing if you're ok.

Love is the single ray

of light that makes its way through

the black hole of loneliness against all odds.

love is how god paints melodies for the deaf,

how he whispers sunsets to the blind.

I find that love is the answer

to every problem you've created ,

that I've been jaded for years by the illusion

that i never had a  choice but to be afraid of my future,

but It’s time to suture the wound

 because I have always had a choice, I choose to make it now.

 

 I choose rainy moonlit walks,

 I choose buying stock in faith

and knowing i’ll be rich in happiness,

I choose uncertainty  and impossibility,

I choose love today!

And as long as you overstay your welcome in my heart

there is no room for the dreams I deserve ,

I need to make this clear- you need to Disappear.

 

You need to melt away

like  the pain of  bad day

when we find ourselves

in the arms of our soulmate.  

So pack up your hate,

your doubt, your greed,

your self serving hierarchy of needs.

I can't wait to breathe

without the suffocation of insecurities you bring .

I will sing from the the rooftops

once my smile tells me you've  left ,

let this note bereft you

of any intentions you have to return,

its best if we both move on:

using our mistakes to learn.

 

All this isn't to say that you haven't given me anything.

for every scar I wear, I bear a reminder of the times

I have picked my dreams off the floor

and nursed them back to health                                                                                                  after you had stamped out their relevance-

so, yes: I know what it means to believe

In something that has no heartbeat,

to keep hope alive when it is only a spark

in the face of a cold winter’s night.

 

Your false promises have taught me

that lies are a comfort I cannot accept -  

you have kept me ignorant long enough

for me to want to invest  in knowledge-

the savings plan that's going to bail me

out of emotional bankruptcy,

trust me, you have played your part well.

And maybe you could tell me it was all for a purpose,

arguing that your tactics have been worth it-

 That the years of self seclusion

 and waking nightmares have kept me safe

 but I refuse to believe that you meant

 to keep me safe from danger ,

 you have always been  the danger.

 

In my anger I could wish it all away,

pretend your extended stay was only a visit,

but that would elicit  a world absent of the struggle

that has made me who I am

and I  am so proud of who I am.

 

 You were the co author of  what has been

 the longest chapter of my life,

and our strife has laid the foundation

of a beautiful story.

I thank you for your contribution

 to my coming of age.

 Now , I must turn the page.

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Ms. Brown

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