We dress up in bright costumes

Dancing around on a stage for others to laugh and clap along with us

We never let them see us behind the curtains

When the shadows close in on us and there is nothing but silence

No more bright lights

No more laughter

Only the parasite in our head

That mimics our voice and stretches us on a dartboard

Throwing blame after blame until all the holes kill us inside

It feels right to hide behind smiles

To sit in the cold silence with only ourselves to hug

To let this perverse desire control what we do, when we let the mask break

After all, we deserve this, right?

For being so pathetic

No one would ever want to tolerate our whining

But the curtains pull back

Exposing us to the crowd of family, friends, acquaintances

Teachers, students, cousins, bus drivers, cashiers, neighbors, our one night stands

They all see what we've been hiding

And now there is no hiding anymore

And we're left curled up on the dingy floor that hasn't been cleaned since Friday night

Useless and ridiculous, we should have been more careful

Should have let go in the closet room, or the bathroom

Anywhere else

We knew they would be here, though

That there was a chance of seeing us just like this

But we didn't realize what would truly be revealed

The friends we thought would walk away

Too embarrassed to see us in such a state, wondering what it would do to their reputation

They're running up to kneel beside our tiny, balled up form

The parents we thought would hate us

For being the problem child that would bring shame and hideous rumors to the family name

They are closing up the curtains, bringing us back into that darkness we comfort ourselves with

And everyone else?

Everyone we thought would judge us for being whiny and unable to complete simple tasks

Who would see us as nothing more than a crybaby bursting into tears over a spilled glass of milk

They have looks of concern etched on their faces

Like the scene of a crime or a deadly car crash

They want to know more

Who is it

Why are they there

What the hell happened

But they know it isn't their place to be nosy

They know how it's been to be at rock bottom

The teachers we thought would look down upon us

For being the only student who couldn't turn in the assignment after weeks of vacation

Who could stay up all night doing nothing yet turn in just a paragraph or two for that essay 

They were shooing everyone out

Giving us the privacy we so desperately need

Hours after, when the lights have long gone cold

We're still surrounded by people who care

People that make us laugh

People who will tumble to the bottom with us just so we aren't alone 

They love us just as we love them, and no amount of hardships could ever change that

Truly, it was all just in our head

It was all an illusion created by that parasite living in our brain

To isolate us completely and kill us from the inside

So it could feast on the remains and move on to the next victim

The damage it did to our mind will be hard to reverse

It may even have created scars

But we can heal, I'm sure of it

There is hope