Shattering the Box

Sat, 04/09/2016 - 22:37 -- livnluv

To those with anxiety and those who do not,Let me tell you why fear no longer dictates my thoughts.  My mind's been in a box, it's a comfortable place,It's got movies and posters and books on display.Like a cathedral this place is my sanctuary.Like a bunker this place is my fortress.  When trouble rises I jump inside,And say "no, no world I'll stay to the side.I'm not signifigant or special, you don't need me at all,I'll just stay in here and put up my wall."  It keeps out the world and I can hide from my problems,But my fears still lurk in the corners.  Yeah the brightness shines at the center of it all.But the vines of lies that terrrorize my mind begin to grow and take up the walls.Between point A and point C is point B where the goodness leaves,Where the light turns to dark, and so begins this disease.  As the fears and anxiety infect my mind,Like some beastly creature they eat me alive. Those movies and posters and books on display,Become simple excuses to always stay.I start to grasp for anything to hold tight,I crave for control of something in life. Counting distracts from the moment I'm in,Just the way OCD does and living in sin. I drown in my worries, I fall from my faith.My perfected box is closing in space.The paradise begins to rot the longer I stay inside,And the fears that make me want to escape are the reasons I chose to hide."No one cares, you're alone, and you'll never fit in,You're a coward, a loser, a lie"I'm so scared of judgement I hide who I am.People won't understand so I don't let them in.The clouds of dust that surround my vision,Are my worries and critiques that keep me from living.Like Quasimodo I'm trapped in a tower with my own stupid fears being my Frollo and master.That lock me up inside my own head while I want to live free and live life without fret."You're weird, you're not pretty, no one likes you." they say... But then there's that voice, that says, "hey, you're okay." A single flower in my garden of weeds.A light in the fog that I desire to reach.A way out of the rubble from the walls that fell.A voice of truth that rings clear like a bell. To come out of my box into a better place.Where I let people in and live life unafraid.My holy book says the words "do not fear",For it is God alone who will catch every tear."The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid,"These words come through clouds like a beckoning ray.These are the words to which I should listen,Cause in the box it was truth that I was really missing. If I'm strange then I'm for it,Cause life's more interesting that way.Life will never be perfect, life won't always be great.But there are those moments in life so perfect in taste.I don't need to be perky or flawlessly right,I just want to be content with this simple life. I've said no to everything because of fear and self doubt,But aren't new experiences what life's all about?Fly a kite, shoot a gun (not for death, but for fun),Drive stick, climb mountains, and travel near and far.Instead of cowering in fear, rather than staying shut inside,I want to dance in the waters life has to provide. Now the sun starts to set on my box I called Eden,But it was just an excuse to live life without feelings.A new sun rises on a future untold,I'm going to live, dream, breathe like never before.So to those with anxiety and those who do not, don't let fear and worry be the reason you rot. 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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