The Student Who Became A Lost Cause
To my Teachers:
I am the student who "changed"
The "bad influence" in your class,
The "lazy" student,
The one who never does their work
And just puts their head down on the table
In reality,
I'm just depressed and stressed
and awaiting the "future" I may or may not have
To protect myself I became apathetic.
Apathy-
Lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern
Lost interest in things I once loved
Craving what I once was,
I sit here in this room
Full of students eager to learn
I once was that ‘A’ student
Eager to learn anything
Could understand just about everything
Could master every lesson
Carefully listened to every lecture
Completed assignments in no time,
Waiting for more.
I sit here with this instrument
In my lap
Ready to play a beautiful sound
Now all I play is grotesque sounds,
Revoltingly out of tune notes
Look at me now and you’d never believe
That I was that girl who sat in first chair
Or had beautiful hair
I sit here
In art class,
With a paintbrush and awaiting canvas
With roadblocks in my head
Paint dripping
Tears falling
I lay here
On my mom’s couch
Waiting for my mom to come home
To express how much of a disappointment I am
To express how useless I am
To express how I’d never get anywhere in life
To express that Music and Art aren’t “real careers”
To tell me to grow up
And become like the “rest of us”
“Put on a suit and tie,” she said
“Have a ‘normal’ career,” she said
“Perhaps a doctor, lawyer, or engineer,” she said
I hear these words every day
Slowly driven away
From the things, I once loved.
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