Sense of untrust and unease

insanity-

couldn't feel a thing and crying for help

losing -

Another year and nothing has changed

another thought and it's all the same

abusive people and abusive mind

that's all that's mine but was left behind

 

Lost again, unknown as I am

Nameless-

To this disease in my head

Uncoping-

Sitting at a desk unconscious of the subject

Just there as a still doll, with tangled hair and glass eyes

Slipping through the cracks of education

Dealing with this silent devastation

 

They have a strange mind, strange person

intriguing -

New lesson, new topic

Odd-

No longer just needed to just pass

But instead, needing to understand

Then I fall again under stress and illness

Crippled by the monster that leaves me hopeless

 

He's curious of what's on our minds

To me it’s:

Monitoring-

He wants to understand his pupils and what they’re going through

To me it’s:

Scary-

He asks a series of questions and gives us papers to fill out

To put down my own personal thoughts…

Should I spit the truth, and take a leap?

To find help, to find a way out of a hole that's way too deep...

 

I couldn't take in air to my lungs

Anxiety-

Staring at the paper in front of me

Breaking-

Contemplating to actually let in a person who has power over me

To pick up my pencil and circle something…

Confirming for the first time…

And leaving evidence of what I thought was a crime

 

I did it, he saw

Oh no-

He read it, I know he knows

In trouble-

Few days have passed and nothing

I thought I fell through the cracks again, but not of education but of an educator

Until one day at the end of class of an empty room

He approached me and I felt like I was being trapped in a tomb

 

But he let me breathe

Patient-

Showed that it’s fine and okay

Calming-

Worked through with me to my surprise

Grateful to have found a safe place without judgment

Feel a little more at peace, clarity, whole, and unused

All that started with: “Why do you think you’re being abused?”