You Love Me

You love me, right?

Yes, I know you've said it.

Yes, I know I've heard it and yes.

I've listened.

 

But!

But nothing, I know.

You do, BUT--

My brain doesn't believe you.

 

Not that I don't believe you, no, but--

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry that I'm sorry.

I know my apologies drive you crazy.

 

But you know I know you love me.

Right?

You know it's these voices in my head screaming, crying that you don't.

Right?

 

Because you love me.

That's why I rack my brain constantly, trying to figure out where I went wrong.

That's why I suppress the OCD and the anxiety as it just festers all the more.

That's why I am striving, fighting to keep on being with you.

 

Because you love me.

That's why I say sorry.

And I am, sorry.

For all the pain and the hurt and the trouble and the hassle--

 

Hassle.

You say I'm not a hassle.

But I must be, for the things you say to me.

Stop it. Shut up. Stop! Listen to me!

 

Listen to me!

You have no idea how hard it is.

I know how much you care.

But you have no idea.

 

And it's because you love me!

That's why I walk on pins and needles,

That's why I bite my tongue and hold it in

To not upset you.

 

You love me, and I'm grateful.

I don't have many people for whom I can say the same.

I treasure that love, I love that love.

And that's why I do all those things.

 

And you, YOU.

You assure me my OCD isn't me.

You assure me I'm never a hassle.

You assure me you don't care for anything in the world more than you care for me!

 

Despite all my troubles.

Despite all my pain.

Despite all my thoughts.

Despite all my actions.

 

You keep carrying me through this twisted up plane we call life.

And I think I've figured out why.

It's because you love me!

Right?

 

 

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