Deconstruction of the Mind

Dear Mental Health,

We talked about this.

You said that if I took my head meds,

You said that if I reached out,

You said that if I tried,

You would get better.

But I take my medication,

I reach out,

I try.

Where are your words now?

Where is the better, happier life I was promised?

You’ve given me false hope a few times;

A happy day here and there,

New friends to fill the shell of my existence,

A week off of work without asking.

The small stuff.

It was enough for me but You lied, it didn’t last.

My happy days ended in sorrow,

My new friends left as quick as they came,

I was fired.

My life could be represented by one big lonely tumbleweed.

I’m left with no one but You.

Maybe You wanted it that way,

jealous of any success I had.

But we are one, when will You realize?

When I flourish, You blossom.

And when I crumble, You fall apart.

We are a team and You are the dead weight bringing us down.

I can’t get rid of you.

I can’t cut off the weakest link because You are in me.

So, I will try harder.

I will reach out farther.

I will kick your ass until You realize.

I will not be held down by You.

With or without You,

I will grow.