Kingdom (to) Come

Mon, 02/12/2018 - 22:19 -- Cassily

Dear future me,

 

I am from a softly lit night sky stretching out into the dawn,

a homely little cottage basking in its warmth.

It stands tall, gilded by memories and reborn in them as a castle.

The courtyard holds an acorn tree,

a burning bush,

an aspen.

The throne room holds newfound royalty.

Planning for an heir,

my parents elect to hide their dirt-stained hands,

with hard-earned silken gloves

and jewels

and gold.

 

I am from determined promises

and the long nights it took to spin and fulfill them.

A self-proclaimed king and queen ruling over their quaint little kingdom.

My brother and I bring about new life and new hopes for our parents,

but it's hard to instill such life in people so distant.

 

I am from the arms of my mother,

soft and cool as she cradles me and my brother.

She says she'll be home before we are,

that she'll always be there.

 

I am from a gilded cage

of toys

and crowns

and jewelry.

Empty except for me and my brother—

even as my parents sit in the dining room hall at work.

We grow to despise that which robs them from us.

I grow to despise the attention his failing marks grant him.

Attention is a gift,

success is an expectation,

praise is half-hearted.

The princess and the prince are nothing alike.

 

I am from the soft spoken silence

seeping in from an unconscious loneliness.

When school comes,

the broken tetherball poles cast long shadows over me

season after season.

The crown’s shine is hardly ever emulated in the dull light;

my parent’s work to raise a princess doesn’t shine, either.

I can feel my crown slipping as I bow my head—

it would seem that I am always tired.

 

I am from years of pining after an unlikely love.

From, “How could you be certain?”

From, “You’re just a kid.”

From, “You don’t know that yet, you’ll grow out of it.”

I whisper back to the venomous thoughts in my mind,

my voice soft,

brave,

against the torrent of fear.

“There was never any doubt, this is who I am.”

 

I am from surrendering solitude

to the constant presence and safety of another.

Our resolve strengthens each time we admit it,

“I think” becomes “I know,”

“What now?” “What are we?” shifts into--

“No matter what, forever and always.”

Despite our unspoken fears,

I hope that is true.

Her soul is so familiar,

as if we have danced together before.

If so, I hope we will always remain,

that there will always be an us

in every lifetime and world.

 

I am from sweet, secret kisses,

from holding hands and linking arms,

all in the attempt to steady ourselves when the question arises.

It would seem that love appears in funny ways,

especially when it’s not safe to wear

our hearts in our intertwined fingers.

In her, I see new life;

In me, she sees new hope.

In our minds, we holds stars

and worlds

and universes,

our lives just beginning to collide.

Hiding in a secluded kingdom of our own,

we spend time breathing life into our own works and ideas.

There’s an honored pledge to be better than the last,

to bring our future family more than just riches.

 

I am from gentle, loving arms,

where within them,

I am royalty once again.

 

And who are you?

 

I wear my crown

resting lightly upon my brow

with nothing but the utmost gratitude and dignity.

Despite the kingdom’s peace,

I find myself pacing.

Waiting for our future—

waiting for you—

and dreading your arrival.

 

Who are you?

Who will you be?

 

What will your arrival

mean for me?

 

Despite my fears,

I know that my time has come

and like my predecessor

I must entrust the next part of our journey

to you.

I can only hope

that I will remain alive within

these shared bones,

this shared soul,

despite your growth and adaptation.

 

I just ask you this:

do not forget where you come from.

do not forgot me.

 

You are our future,

the result of our hopes,

our dreams.

We are the culmination

of several different lifetimes

of the same little girl

swirling within our reclaimed crown.

And now, so are you.

 

Welcome.

 

So with that,

I ask you:

where will you lead?

 

Where will we go?

 

I send you my love,

I send you my wishes,

from the present

from the past you.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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