October 10th, 2013

We all drink the world in misery as shuffled songs pass through cheap headphones

Maybe we’re all too distant through our telephone cradling hands

Yet social anxiety becomes easier when distracted. 

I miss walking downtown with my cares not burdened in my purse

Ruffling past empty conversations on patio tables with 30 year olds talking life in lunch

Gilded arrows may never lunge into the wooden fence

And pebbles in sidewalks are my favorite to walk upon.

Cobblestone, I think it’s called, but I wobble with content upon the feel

Unsturdy ankles with rolling hills of joint and bone

Jutting out and as we strut we sprain and contain nothing with pain

Maybe I will refrain from telling you I love you

Like I will always do.

Why can’t he leave my mind? Why does he make the paranoia come true? He left me and yet he stalks me within reason and I cannot escape. Every turn of connection he’s the point of interest and his lies create the adventures of his twisted persona. I’m more real than his ego will ever define his future, but it’s never entertaining to be genuine. And a lot of people say I’m paranoid, but as soon as I think I’m done with involvement of any sort with him, I’m chained back into the rat race he runs and I trampled. He reveals nothing and exposes everybody else, and I broke my heart into a thousand pieces for a chance to change him. Never again, but always existing. 

I’d love to resist the temptation to run away, but the breeze gives me a headstart at something new. It gets me away from the fact that you ever happened to me and that your control and devastation were only a phase in the mind of someone who was desperate and confused. I’ve gone somewhere better.