guilt

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i still don't consider myself a poet no matter how many words that fall from the sky that aid me in meshing the feelings i feel can protect me from the world opinions will still eat away at my mind
My guilt is blinding me, It tells me I could do better, but I refused It is reminding me to think about people before me. It is questioning my mortality It is judging my hard work.
Too much fun as the night begun Didnʼt think too much of it but my mind was slightly unfit I danced some reminiscing, i feel dumb
Guilt blooms in my chest like an unwelcomed garden.  But luckily I chose to weed them out before they had any chance to stay and wind around my heart.   
How did I get here? Why did I stay? I’m searching for sunshine, But my home is the rain. Home is the prison I don’t want to escape,
My father cries at night like a ghost’s lonely moan Lamenting for the helpless behind closed doors   Reaching out
Feed your righteous ignorance, Because you'd rather move in a thoughtless mass, A mess of mindless thoughts to pass, Like a hurricane void of common sense.   Than kiss the faces, those before you,
Shuck-Lily cuts herself and, by God, I'm back in love again, This is not my responsibility, So why am I tending to you like an animal?  
To make up for deficiencies Lacking or discrepancies To fix or make anew What's broke and disagrees with you. "But I haven't sinned!" I hear you cry "It went that way alone, awry!"
I wake up light-headed and I touch my pillow, trying to put my memory back together but I just don't know how the hell I got home last night. I remember standing on the side of the road, my legs barely putting up a fight.
"Lucy,      Lucy,             No."  She whispers to her hands. She cries to the company. We stare,       curiously,           judgementally.  
Today is the worst day. I knew it would be. My last goodbye to you Was yesterday And I look back To see what I missed A call, a text, a post Should I have Called you, texted, replied?
Guilt is a painful, dreadful being. Guilt is the most powerful being of all, He punctures million needles through your heart,
Lost in a dream of who I used to be Shuddering to think of what they see   Adrift in the ocean drowning in shame As waves of sorrow silence my name   My soul weathered by the guilty air
Survivor's guilt sounds like my sister getting beat in the next room for something I know I did.   That's the thing-- I did. I did not. Did, did not. I did I did I did NOTHING.  
I didnt realize What I say can hurt I didnt realize  What I do affects everyone I didnt realize My sorries are Band-aids to knife holes  I didnt realize My jugements affects more than me
She was toxic. We were blamed For simple things, Like internet going out, And traffic. Things we couldn’t control. She was toxic. Manipulation was her superpower. Always at her disposal.
Whiskey is like liquid death in a bottle. The man is excided to see the newborn bottle of whiskey in his hands His addiction is uncontrollable when the bottle is empty People find that he smells of death itself
her pleasures in the shallows end   as the riptide guarantees 
Slowly and sweetly arises my soul with a comforting, soothing fear. A place, not a place, a man, not a man: Heaven! I'm finally here. The guilt's gone away, tears flit to my eyes. Why do I cry in such bliss? 
You are a Worthless piece of shit Who doesn't get a hint Thinkin' that you repent When all you did was reset The time forward, expecting some respect--   Are you a fuckin' idiot?
One peron's Heaven Can be another's Hell And truthfully I say I hurt I shudder I weep Is something wrong with me? How unfair must it be That I am unhappy
There are things I cannot control   Things   I cannot do for you (Even though I wish to, so so
My mind is an ever-evolving ball of guilt and shame Every thought twists and turns, leaps and lunges, crosses and curves Every time I catch one two others take its place   I’m only sixteen
I always wanted to be there. Helping with homework on a Tuesday night. Getting to hear about your day. Haven't got that since your mother took you away. Not just to one town over, but next to Dover.
Dear Penelope   We have often discussed Our least favorite feelings I have always told you "Sadness," while you replied "Guilt," without hesitation   I never understood
a hammer wrecking my being. voices shouting, blaming. rightfully do. shooting words like bullets. worthless insensitive apathetic. 'its all your fault'.
The protectiveness in me bubbles. One thought, one clue, one misunderstanding, is enough. A reflex, a past, a word. Or many. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.  
I miss the smell of alcohol on your breath, The haze of smoke in the air around us, The half smirk you always have curled up on the left side of your mouth,  
It had been 90 days. She’d finally learned to leave it alone. It had gone from her mind, she’d resisted the images she let consume her, and the strange sensations she knew would hurt her.
Remembrance dark, a shadows faceA name, my name,“Jason Grey,”That name,A bitter tasteRolling off my tongueWho is he?I just don’t know
  Frozen hands on the face Echoing, echoing Killing me without a trace The silence, loud in my ear What then, oh my, oh dear, oh dear   That’s it, I’m done, life’s not worth living
Long and narrow Razor sharp Dark and brooding Elegant Light and ductile Mesmerizing Loving, warring Blood ‘twas spilling   Love forbidden Emotions revealing
I WAS A walking, breathing, living shadow Never standing out in a crowd Always behind her...second place  
Shafts of light shatter the morning skyBeyond the horizon, black clouds loom    Juxtaposed seriously  The effervescence of dew shines underfootThe mellifluous patter of feet    Working harmoniously 
Do you ever wanna cry but the tears won't come?For the fear, and the shame, and whats been done.Do you ever wanna cry but the tears are drowned?All you left with is an angry frown.
Do you think it stopped?The yearning for your fingers against heated skin?Do I look like I have lost my feminine tensions?Do you think I have forgotten what it felt like?What any of it felt like?
A constricted heart, A lonely cry, The broken parts, All want to die. A lone tear, Falls down my cheek, Overwhelming fear, Makes me weak. I shake against my binds,
It’s been three weeks Since I’ve tasted his mouth And two weeks Since I’ve realized how utterly replaceable I am   22 days
There are no atheists in Foxholes We knew that; we were summoning the fire gods Rituals consisting of your fingers deftly tracing my thighs And I breathing prayers into your neck
Crispy-wet cotton sheets blowing Like sails Under an idyllic sky   She’s wrapped in her bedding barefoot on a concrete pad
Could tea be my new alcohol? I would let it fool me that I am warm  I would drink it as it burned down my throat I would let it take control    Because for awhile, a very short while
When I talk to you.. Yes, I get butterflies. But they're not the happy, fluttery, lovey butterflies that people get... They're more of the kind of butterflies people get when they know they're lying..
I've spent the last few months brawling with these memories that faze me to this day. Something from within me drove me to break my character, enabling my misery to compel my lineage to ignore,
While my heart does bleed For new life never born My mind does heed The pain of a mother torn The decision to forestall Life's seed to full bloom Is a powerful anguish of hellish gloom
What mind enlightened of God Could reconcile a forsaken entrustment... To guardian the yet unborn? What eye that sees by Light Could blind itself this darkest deed?
In eighth grade, we had Science class together. You had sat in the row behind me until the seats were switched and we became partners. Do you know what I would give to be partners with you again?
SHAME 
I live in a small town.
In my town every look is a glare.
My eyes invite seductive. A smile will ignite a flame. The warmth of your skin on mine well drive you insane, whlie wishing and begging for more.
Closed. There's a dream in my head and it's making me Ill. Swimming, These aren't my thoughts. I wouldn't couldn't never would do that. But I did. Dreams
Never does the feeling mix well with my digestion. ItGoes along my intestinal track and gets stuck every         time, trying to runAway from the end when I can finally let it go. But of         course this
absinthe kiss love drunk and it's green like we're both green clean lovers watching from the windows both lost and dizzy but so very much in jealous love ripe love new love
I can run You can't hide A fortnight ago I swore you died. I watched as you burned Flesh cracked and turned black as the night. Not a star in sight. I watched you melt away
There is nothing worse than betrayal, because it signals the end of a friendship. You claim I betrayed you, but I did no such thing. After all, I'm not the backstabber. I'm not the trash talker. I'm not the cheater.
I didn't know  Until now That you  Were gone It took me Six months To find out And I was Speechless I had nothing To say I didn't cry But somehow
Nothing stands out Numbness takes over Robotic movements Apathy bleeds in And emotions Fade away Muted and dim Somewhere In the background While a being With no face
my fault is another's laughter.my soul begins to sink as my red faceinks in myembarrassment.the smile i've putthere is convincing,but it's a show.under the apathyi'm blinking
It roars in your ears Pounding in your heart Feeling miserable A cloud over your head Just wanting it to leave Wanting to fix things But you know you can't  There was nothing
I really am trying. So very very hard. But the pain from the past makes life in the present feel so hard. The stressors of today, call back the ghosts of times past. And I really do not know how much longer I can last.
  Almighty father above please forgive me, My wife wants me to do a deed that my heart refuses, My mind is waging a war that has no winner,
I'm sorry I took your time for granted I was shy but very romantic and I wish you'd understand that I loved you even more than I did myself, too  
I guess you could say that I have a lot of friends I've never met a stranger and My friendships have no end and I say that not to brag but to say they don't depend
 your love; I am wondering if it’s enough. We said forever but I wonder if I am a liar. I wonder if my God has forgiving me for gambling your love. My heart would feel complete if I only fallowed through.
Here's what you've been missing After all these days There's a rocking chair still sitting Outside that she wishes wouldn't stay Here's what you've been missing Since you passed away
after a dose of His word, everything else feels lesser. like plastic or weightless. it feels frail and meaningless and my interest in it lasts long enough for me to pick it up then toss it down.
You told him You love him You told him Since day one You guys cuddled You laughed You hugged You kissed One day something happens You text him He doesn't reply back
guilt scary, human maddening, controlling, depressing eating you away causing you to crumble from the inside out guilt
Lord, my God take these words from quivering lips as worship hear my cry   take these tears from searching eyes
When I mix grayscale with pink, Just to find gray ink. When all silver linings I caught, came shimmering down like the last rain of spring.   Whose blood am I spilling, like the rain?
How could he? This man who promised her everything, said he loved her, made a vow. This man who was protected by her, shielded from horrors that he couldn’t handle on his own.
You're a drunken mistake a night of regret  I can't shake for God's sake    I hurt someone I love  just for the intake of your breath and the connection of our bodies  
Someone draws the blinds, Waking me up on this early Saturday morning. As I squint to look around the room, I notice a blonde haired man standing by the window
Guilt speaks desperately and the infinite stream of sanity
Outside in the midst of nature and a boundary set by humans 
I keep telling myself that it's all going to be okay, I keep saying  it's going to get better with each day. But its all a lie. How can I move on when I caused you to die?
Purple orchid rolling fibres, coalescing in the first light of the day, against the hellish blazing eye,
The harshest light is the one, we choose to use to see.   The blemish of society has become, a billboard of tragedy.   With beauty's definition, now warped in the minds of our youth.  
When the darkness can have a name
Mother   Says she cares That she'd have stopped it "If I would have just told her when it was happening" (I was five) But then says 
These people be looking at me like I'm crazy Like the shit I been doing ain't the right shit maybe Maybe I'm loosing my mind I haven't been feeling right lately Like all these demons inside been tryna step out on me
Left broken, Shattered, Alone. My innocence; Ruined, From the taint Of society.   No one understands My pain. It lies beneath the Surface Of my ever so
I wear my scars like a badge of honor.
My ears pick out his sounds - in the dead of the night 
Who am I? I don't know. What am I? I don't know. How old am I? I don't know. When will I die? I know, I will die today, For my mother is giving me away.  
I run to find him on the floor lying in a pool of his blood with cuts on his arms and legs slowly letting the life seep out i was too late he doesn't breathe why didn't i see what was happening
This shame you make me feel For telling the truth For standing up for myself Is shame unjustified. This guilt you plant in me For apologizing For being too honest Is guilt unjustified.
Dishonesty creeping Through trembling fingers  Acts normal on the outside While hate grows within.   All the while guilt and  Apprehension stir in the object
There are demons pressing in on me. There are demons pressing out on me. It's as if when my eyes hit the mirror they hit the bullseye for my body to grow. the  bullseye is really a trigger.
Was I too small? 
Remind me why we can’t try this again.Now that we know what’s at stake,we won’t make the same mistakesand if we do, we’re done for good, the end.But at least we’ll know what could have been
Guilt is like a stain on a sweater
You killed my confidence and left me crawling— Not that I was old enough to know before That it’s okay to love myself and someone else At the same time with nothing to be sorry for.  
Can you imagine the frustration The frustration of your own ignorance and complacency But you are made to think that it is everyone else's fault? You can't solve your problem
I am the "unborn" I wonder if I will ever see light. I wonder if I will ever see the face of my mom and dad. I wonder if they will like me.  I am the "unborn".  
Pure are tears,
Didn't Have a Name   Look, my two litte feet They're mine--you gave them to me
Never any use trying to sleep.Too much went wrong, too many lost.Anxiety over how you could have saved her,or him, or yourself.But you didn't.
 
Sleepless days, and cold winter nights. Lord, I don't always pray with all my might. I don't follow the Bible word for word. And i tend to neglect you unless there's something I can't afford.
Angry parents – at us or themselves Angry lovers – heartbreaking rows Angry worlds – they don’t share secrets form tears on our pillows   We drink them away till no one sees them glisten.
I'm so horrible. These days have run dry on me. I cannot forget.  
  The star bloom, when the sky gone red The shade sing, as darkness grows The light shine a bloody tint While i fall under the world tears Horror of pain splatter my view
I must defeat this horrible pain because in my heart it is a stain I despise this whole it gets wider and wider my veins spring out, like the legs of a spider it sucks in all the truth in my heart 
Can you see through my eyes? The pain, the hurt, all around.  Lost people seraching for a purpose that can't be found. Their shallow laughter creates a mask, Over the questions they're too afraid to ask.  
I have lost my appetite,
People are not clothesTo be cast off as the weather changesUseful, needed even, but all togetherHollow.  
I'm back, but I'm falling apart I'm back, but I'm lacking the heart, That I need to keep movingAnd what do I think I'm proving? Starving for attentionReceiving it in the form of tension,
Where are you when the children call? Memories revive at fixed scents. The way your hair swept in the wind. Your hands, delicate and soft objects.   Tell me, how are you nowadays?
Pinks, Purples, blues, greens,Strike with a Spark of Powder,With each curve,twirling,They leave a dusty trail.Only to be left,A mess.  
Bad with talking, Not with writing, Feels like everything flying, Come to ground in a sudden halt, With everything that was her fault. No amount of sorry can change the way, She has betrayed,
I do not know what she is to me. I cannot say how I feel. She’s like a pebble stuck in the back of my mind. How can I tell her how I feel? With my body pressed close against her frame,
A genuine lust of morning'sVoiceThere I slumber, and ponderAbout the tresspassers of the dayAnd the smell of the roses fill theCream cooled air of my mindWhile my arrival is very slow and timed
 
SometimesI just don’t careand leave the TV on all nightthen in the morningI guiltily wonder how many polar bearsI’ve killedAs if it happened like that 
When I first met you I was determined to be your friend Everyday I'd come over Just to see you again. I'd do the sneakiest shit To see if you would smile It's the most fun I've had
He reaches out because he is lost - He is so tired of drowning his sorrows. When instead of compassion he is met with disregad, He finds himself falling even farther.  
Back to the pen and paper to write this last chapter. A year ago life as I knew it came to an end. You don’t need a summary, you know… But what you don’t know is how I have dealt, Or rather not…
I wish you hated me, because then I wouldn't feel so guilty for wanting to leave you and give up at times. I wish you despised me no matter how much love I gave you so that I wouldn't be the one to blame.
Oma
She was beautiful once. She was feisty once. She could ride a Harley, choke a stogie and found herself as a fine woman of the 50’s.
That of my perception’s highest worth, Things that, when absent, cause me greatest hurt,   The things that I pursued with no relent, Believing that, when caught, would bring content,  
I am falling, falling into an eternal sleep The life I couldn’t hold onto, the life I couldn’t keep. My reckless actions, without consequence
Da
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like, so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
I was an ass. I was shy but an ass. When I worked up the courage to talk, all this gross undeserved arrogance would spill out like: "I'm probably smarter than you."
Thoughts of her Dripping into my sternum From all the way up there In my brain Where she has implanted herself   Like an alien egg    
Miles to, hundreds from Where my hearts pulled Where the sun drowns Where the wind doesn't blow, We sit in silent war.   The cry's cold cut on the brink of hysteria
The icy wind peels back your outer core Unprotected; as you were from the moment The contractions won and you tasted Bitter, bloody air. You close the door. Turn, and face the face of pity. Snarl at it.
It wasn't out of nowhere when I first heard it. Nothing.   I knew it would come, Eventually. But could only hope it wouldn't be so soon.   There was absolute silence,
Habits Never Die   Promises. Broken. It's not a contract; you can renew. You say it once. You break it twice. Guilt has tainted you. No time to lament. It's done.
Gambling is a sin, so never begin, Money madness makes it more maniacal, Stacks against itself the odds of real success, It should see it’s blessed, learn to rest well, Don’t send yourself to hell,
The sleepless nights that lies within your future. I hope you praying to God to save your soul. What gave you the right to clock at at innocent young boy? Was it because he was black?
  Trying to take back words already spoken Trying to heal a heart that was born broken You cannot bury a guilt that’s still unpardoned And I would know I would know  
Oh how my lovely weathered memories are scattered across the floor. How they come rushing through as I sit and ponder. What will the winds of time bring past my door? 
The quarry stands unaware
Can't help to not to cease to forget you Can't help to not to try to let go Deep Inside, full of feelings oh so very low Betrayal, selfishness, and fear once part of my past Situations you never deserved
Silently pondering Hiding the pain and strain Giving me no absolute gain Ranting mind, unforgiving memories Repressed feelings Wish I could take them away
Guilt. A constant reminder of what’s wrong. Leading to life being preoccupied by never ending self-destruction. Always trying to escape always dragged back; Like a cycle, but it’s just my nature.
“Forgive me/ they were delicious/ so sweet/ and so cold.” -William Carlos Williams
Afraid it will come back Up like a shadow Up like his smoke Rolling in with the tide Even when I hide I'm afraid it will find me I'm afraid I'm still to week to fight Because I remember how
like the word wealth my true nature is hidden behind Digital image or lyrical gimmicks The fiddler collects winnings when the starved jack pots though ein by jeden
you can sense someone is lying when........ they dont make eye contact you can sense someone is cheating when......... they change stories worst than politician scandals
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