alcohol
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An intoxicated man hit a woman's car when he decided to drive.She didn't die when her car was struck but her son didn't survive.She couldn't even attend her son's funeral because she was hospitalized.
looking into a tilted half filled cup in the dark,
with your thumb and the index around the brim
qualifies so much for an eye from hades, I know
it tastes like sting, but something dreadful is staring
When it came to compassion, God didn't show him any.He decided to drive his car after he had a few too many.He hit another car head on.He didn't survive, he is gone.
Friday night, first week of May, you brought me here like a child. Hungry for new experiences. A new world. Scared that that world might not accept him as he is. Nervous.That night we drank, we danced, we laughed, and we kissed….
You’ve sat down, and you watch me fumble with the guitar. My thoughts wander. I’m drunk.
I sit, watching him drink even though he’s wasted.
Blotchy skin, red and damp, and the slick guitar strummed under slurring words.
i wish you would hold me
like you hold that glass bottle
like its the only thing that can comfort you,
the only thing that accepts you,
the only thing capable of keeping your demons at bay
chains clink, wood creaks.
the birds surrounding us sing their sweet song,
perfectly in tune with the sound of your voice.
He wraps his sore hands around an ice cold beer
Bartender asks how'd you make your way here?
He could barely hold back the tear rolling down his face
He has tried everything to stay out of this place
I love you.I love you like you love the alcoholYou pour down your throat.The sore throat that spits sour wordsFrom your poision tongue.I love you like you love putting your hands on me
Do you feel alright?Have you had enough?I can't help but think aboutThe way I'm feeling stuck.I really wanna tryTo make you feel alright.Should I have another drink?I've had enough tonight.I know you wantTo feel a certain way.I wanna make you unde
These Days I'm AMAZED In .... " SO MANY WAYS " ... !!!
People Seem To Think That Things Are OKAY ... ?!?
A Law Passed Today Has Left Me ... AMAZED ... !!!
You're lying in bed.
Are you in bed or are you lying?
I cant figure it out.
I'm tired of trying
You buy me flowers
You kiss me on my cheek
You take a shot of cough medicine
And leave it on the sink
a shed full of bottles,
some empty, some sparing
but a drop of umber syrup for a
thirsty traveler.
pots and pans had long stacked up
The legs started going,
Kept awake with water,
Breathing,
Arrogantly telling myself
I’d stay straight.
Drank gin and wine,
Went out,
Tried to buy more,
Unshaven,
Dear, I haven’t been in touch
For a long time.
Sorry.
The last time I saw you
Was in St. Christopher’s Place.
It was a lovely evening...
When I knocked that chair over.
I am sorry.
[Major trigger warning: graphic first-person
perspective of a suicide attempt by drowning.
Please call your local crisis hotline if you need to.
Everyone has that one thing
That distracts us for a time
Alcohol, drugs or that special someone
They take away the depression, they take away the pain
Everyone has that one thing
That distracts us for a time
Alcohol, drugs or that special someone
They take away the depression, they take away the pain
Just one more
I promise that’s it
Just one more
Then I promise I’ll quit.
Those lies you spoke
for so many years
An ocean of needles
and too many beers.
My Dad's mistress comes home with once a week
She sneaks through the garage door, up the stairs, and into the locked bedroom door of his room
She terrorizes my mother
my brother
and I.
a generic ringtone, a sound foreign to this 2am hour
a beat as we freeze, glancing down, and then up
"hello?"
a motion towards the bottle
clink, pour, swallow
"things aren't looking too good"
a pause
Punch, punch, punch.
Make it a very deep hue,
This is something you need to go through.
Cut, cut, cut.
Puzzle Pieces
The connection here is lost, unruly and static.
Trying desperately to make it work,
like putting puzzle pieces
in the wrong place.
The highs were high:
parties every weekend, Wednesday breakfast with Grandma, 4 hour roadtrips to the middle of nowhere
But the lows were low:
I’m running out of things to do as I lie awake and think,
To drink to ration out my thoughts no real time to blink.
My stupid mind just leads to paths that only end in sorrow ,
Alcohol wasn’t brought about to abuse it,
It was brought about for fun.
She doesn’t see; she just sits there,
Drink, after drink, after drink.
It hurts me, when I can see it coming,
Late at night, the broken spirits sit on barstools, hunched over the counter like question marks
They ponder their place in this world
They drown their sorrows in bourbon to escape the outer flood attempting to engulf them
"NO!" "STOP!"
Don't let them see
Don't let them hear you cry
I know pain is the only thing you can feel inside
Flashbacks replaying nonstop in the back of your mind
"Mommy, Daddy, where are you?"
Take another.
How much harm can it do,
really?
Drink me down like water.
Skip the slow sips,
guzzle down the burn like
setting fire to your chest.
Everyone's an addict.
It started with pain in her bellyHer vision became blurryHer legs refused to listen to her mindThe pain, the physical painunbearableHer handsClumsybut not too clumsy to pour a drink
My mentor, my dear mentor,
How terrible you have been to me,
And yet I must thank you.
Her life becomes a mess of
Red lipstick defenses
Red lipstick state of mind
Look but don't see
Look but don't touch
Worst of all.
Better than the best.
Feels like I'm flying when I fall.
Will I rise to the test?
Super highs.
Deadly lows.
White lines.
White smoke.
I wish this wasn’t something in my life
But when someone else does it, it becomes my strife.
You crack another can open; I feel it cut into my soul.
I won’t keep the sorrow unspoken; dying must be your goal.
I stare at blank pages and earbuds with grinsI open rum bottles like I do ink pens;Eager & callow & begging for answers to crawl from their depths,
Why are the words I write more powerful than the voice I have been given?
My grandmother says God has provided me with ears to listen, and a mouth to speak, but my hands were never assigned a task.
Why are the words I write more powerful than the voice I have been given?
My grandmother says God has provided me with ears to listen, and a mouth to speak, but my hands were never assigned a task.
Sleeping with a Habit
In the morning we joke and thank the world that there is only one of you.
i don’t know how to describe it,
the burning in my throat
the tingle on my lips.
It’s something sinister,
searching for something to kill.
It spent It’s time
Everyday I regret the nicotine that I inhale,
I've tried to pray- but the thing is "I'm already in hell."
Going to sleep is a pet peeve, with a consequence of bloody snot when I sneeze.
Smoking weed was relaxing,
Shedding light on flaws
Like street lights above our heads
We relish the rays but stay in the dark
We hide our mirrors
Because our eyes are too keen to see the hidden storms
he wears a too-wide grin
as honeydew skin turns crimson
freckles spread across his face like stars,
his eyebrows try to escape into that carrot red hair
laughing, squinting, stumbling to the beat of the soundtrack
Kissing in the dark is what we do when we can't find the right words
I don't really know where to go from here but my stomach feels broken
It’s easier
To say that
I substitute your lips
And your body heat
For marijuana and alcohol
But if we’re both being honest
Ode to the Hard Holidays
Whether it’s Christmas
Family coming together
Celebrate the birth of Christ
Gratefulness
Whether it’s Thanksgiving
Slipped down your throat
until you lose the feeling in your toes
and the tingle can be felt at the back of your head
The last Valentines Day was the worst
until you met him
and now the worst comes this year
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She heard his ragged breathing, but there was no one on the other end of the line.
It was another voicemail, just one of the many he sent late last night.
They tell me I don't need alcohol to have fun. They tell me it's ok to socialize and be happy before getting drunk, but I can't do that after you left.
Dear Dad,
There are few things that remind me of you.
Take a person who has smokes a pack a mix it with the black ice air freshener and that was your permanent car smell.
Whatever your cologne scent was, it screamed you.
Sitting round the table waiting for Dad to join us,
Me and my mom spent two hours gazing at the main entrance
Hoping the door bell would ring
And dad would come home spring me up in his strong arms
Do not ask her why her first shot of tequila was so easy to take.
The burn does not compare to her past.
Dear Life,
It's a burning mess, and I'm one of the flames;
Terminally depressed because it's all the same.
Another Saturday night and it's one a.m.,
You're back on my mind, I just need to win.
Hello Liz
Today you drank some brandy
but it did more than get you drunk
you were supposed to walk a dog today
but you fell asleep
you were supposed to talk to your mom today
but you fell asleep
I remember you telling me,I was better off without you,that the world was better offwithout you. I remember how those conversations made my heart stopand turned my body to lead,weighing me down with fear. I remember riding in the car, my knuckles
He is a hollow shell found on empty beaches
You try to get a hold of him, and he breaks in pieces
His words are venom but his eyes are tears
Trapped in his own asylum
Letting fumes take hold of his lungs
Booze takes over his brain
Like a video control game.
Midnight thoughts
Rake at his mind
Like jubilation
Being exiled.
I am your princess, aren’t I?
Isn’t that what you always say?
So why do you put the bottle before me?
Before your little princess?
Vodka goes down
in an attempt to drown
all the things I don't want to think about.
A rough upbringing, and some things I'd seen,
confuse me like a film of the color green-
I think I just need to be redeemed.
sometimes I take a sip of you,
but you taste like whisky.
when you hit my lips,
I cry in the ecstasy of nothingness.
as your warm liquor burns my throat,
I wonder if I taste the same.
Is it bitter
Is it sweet
Is it tasty
Is it savory
What is the word
To describe something
You use to dull pain
Everyone has atleast one
Mine is alcohol
Seemed so exciting
About 3 months ago, there was a depressed girl in college. She was depressed because her mother was dead and her father was a drug kingpin with a different chick.
Cinderella dressed in blue
Went to a club to go find a boo
Her feet were killing her
So she took off her shoes
She moved her hips to the catchy tunes
She was drinking way too much
Hard working father, scraping by,
stares at the photo he keeps in his box
Soon as it hits 5, he’s off the clock
Larger, wine, port and spirits,
Porter, stout, dark mild, real ale and rum,
Cider - strong of course, whiskey with no ice in it,
Baileys, sherry, moonshine, however it comes,
In one minute, a moment, a second
Why did you take my life?
Why did you end the fight?
For greater things, I could have been, I should have been
Two three onto the forth.Days fly by while i will sinkInto the depths of another drink.When the bottom is bare,And my throat goes dryRain will fall beneath my eyes.When it ends, I’ll look for moreAnd stumble upon the neighbor's door.I’ll knock onc
My dad's an alcoholic,
so naturally,
I've always been afraid of him drinking and driving.
Sources say that ever 53 minutes,
someone die from a drunk driving accident.
My dad could easily have been one.
Alcohol for the first time
Alcohol every weekend
Alcohol every free-time
Now the drunkness came to an end.
Weed for the first time
Weed every weekend
Weed every free-time
Daddy fell asleep again on the kitchen floor
Still clinging to his bottle like a hundred times before
Liquor was the demon that he sold his soul to get
Then drug us all through hell with no mercy or regret
Sitting here daydreamingAll the time my brain is…Scheming, scheming, scheming. Even given all I knowMy brain just wantsAnother go, another go Consequences do not deter me now It won't hurt, here's how Nothing can stop this trainMy addled alcoholic
Building up fire and ragethe past few daysfelt like a dragon trappedin a too small cagein and out of realityI phasewith an acquired tastefor doing dopetill im damn near comatose
Having a mental ilness is like walking blindfolded in a forest
You can never rest, you feel you can count on no one
Because your brain tells you there is no one
It says: "You don't have any friend but me"
happiness is notat the bottom of a bottleI don't know whyyou continue to search there
who told youto look hereand why did youbelieve them?
I was pathetic.I was lost.I wasn’t me anymore…. because of you.
I would indulge in..I would desperately seek.I would want…. alcohol because of you.
Do not fall in love with me.
For I will show you movies,
Read you books,
And sway with you to music.
I will poison your favorite places to escape.
And when you decide enough is enough.
A Cadet in college takes another sipalong with his brothers so why would he quit?Sitting on a bean bag having the time of his lifehe'd drink away his problems and wouldn't think twice.
My father stumbles in
Feet tripping over-
Heel toe, heel toe
At a quarter to 2
-Am, of course
My mother is asleep in her bed
The cold burn entices my throat
As the lights shine bright and the words begin to blur
The burn hits my skin as i find the courage to promote
I traded my sorrows for a pretty face
And a bottle
I traded my sorrows for him
And a cigarette to my lips
My sorrows were replaced
I make my morning commute through the city square
Through a tunnel of dimmed neon lights, familiar images, and colors bare
Strolling down the street today a new taste lingers in the atmosphere
Had I known that I would't make it around the corner,
I would have stopped.
I would have held that strap close,
Like it was my best friend,
Like it could protect my fragile ears
Everyone's high these daysSmoking joints between classes That we can only afford by sucking dick and taking names because we are up to our armpits in college debt and drowning in self worth issues but when I'm high it's alright I don't have to thi
SilenceAll there ever wasAll there ever isI hope it won't always beSilenceBetween usAgainst usFor usIt's tortureDaysMonthsYears of silence at a timeI can't stand it anymore.
To my autistic brother:
The older I get the more I reflect on the past and think about the problems we all had growing up so fast
drunk or sober it was always you
there is a lonely hum in my brain where your name used to be
i will drown myself to silence in
it if i do not get some peace and quiet soon
one hit
a bottle of jack
i cannot breathe
but my bones are laughing.
my lungs struggle to keep up
with my racing thoughts.
Drugs cannot harm you
Every drug needs a catalyst and that catalyst is you
What were you thinking
when you were drinking
Did you see the bottle as the enemy?
Or yourself
Every human can be a superhero
Trigger WarningsThey aren't always easy to avoid. Simple phares"Because you're special"I don't feel special when things happen to me and I don't understand them."But you are"When someone tries to argue back when I ask them not at say that.Trigger
1. Get a job, hold on to it. I am not in the habit of buying liquor for other tummies besides my own.
2. Please, go to school. Get a degree. Smart people have a way of holding intelligently stupid drunk conversations.
I stagger through the gate and my daughter comes running,
“Daddy! Daddy!” she screams running into my waiting arms.
I lift her,
I throw her up in the air,
I see her flying,
I want to break her fall,
It's only 5 letters but feels more like a mouthful.
You've bit off more than you can chew now you're choking on it.
You can't swallow your pride so you spit it out.
Listen on SoundCloud: soundcloud{.com}/jake-gillespie-6/god-bless-the-pen/s-q80Qg
(remove the {} around the dot-com)
A is for air force. It’s Captain Briggs in the jet. The toughest and proudest man that you’ve ever met.
B is for ball, “why can’t you catch?” Dad grumbled as I shaped my small hands for the next.
Inability to communicate
To Elaborate
To Speak
It is quite a terrible fate
One which should not be cursed
Even upon those that you hate
Yet here I was
Crying
Jumping from rock to rock,Mama said I’d “lose my head”.Apparently writing wasn’t enough, then.I was young.
I’m afraid to give my words to you
I’m afraid of how they will taste in your mouth
Will you get drunk on them?
Or will you throw them up?
I hope you get so drunk
Ever single letter will become
B is for the beer
that im pouring down my neck.
the E's are for the easiness
how easy it is to get.
R stands for ruined
thats what im gonna get.
P stands for the pills
I suppose I would like You to know that I am sorry.
That’s how all apologies and the like are supposed to begin,
With that admission of guilt or regret or something that tastes like bile
I use to watch this guy from Chicago
CM told me not to drown out my sorrow
With shots of tequila, whiskey, and beer bottles
Instead, I rooted for guys with drug problems
Picking up the bottle The stinging taste Burning you're throat You feel the heavy liquid Rolling over your tongue You roll the joint next to you You light it up and take a puff Coughing uncontrollably from the toxins Your friends keep telling you
I guess the reason I am the way I am
is that from a very young age
my vision of the world was
cracked
from sleepless nights
until dawnless
mornings.
I tasted my first sip of alcohol at a very
Mommy where have you beenUp in your headIn your own little mindWith the alcohol and nicotineI miss you momBack in your sober daysI miss comin home to see you smiling
The cheap kind
Burns on its way
Down my thoat
But it doesn't bother me
Because I'm not drinking
To feel good
I'm drinking
Until I forget.
And as I type these words
You open your eyes around noon
The thinnest ray of sunlight peeks into your room
You feel like your head is on upside down
You’re walking on the ceiling
they say learning is meant to be fun and make you happy
but i can't really remember it ever being like that.
it's so cliche and worn out to be complaining about it
but i can't really think of anything else to say.
Tell me I am nothing
That's what everyone else does
Tell me that I am crazy for falling in love!
Call me insane, because that is how I feel
being in love when the love is less than real
I can’t do this he doubtedI can’t do this he shoutedLetting out all his fear and anxietyA bubbling mess of insecurity and sobrietySwirling aroundAnd around
Like anger
The alcohol courses through my blood
Whispering sweet nothings to a deaf ear
Promising better tomorrow's
And more beautiful tragedies.
There is no rhyme or reason
To the fury in our souls
They see the shiny outside,the one that looks brand new.They see the gloss and all they think is“That’s what I want, too.”
i watch you fadeinto the nightof formless shadowsshapeless sins
they swirl around youbefore the strikeof deathly terrorsshrieking fiends
Pain not as evil as you think,
Pain gets less and less as you drink.
Alcohol, the solution to all problems.
The red eyes of an alcoholic
I’m drinking on this rooftop patio; bitters and absolut and citrus and vodka and ginger, something sweet to mask the alcohol, on the rocks, maybe in a champagne glass.
she doesn't talk about how her dad leftimmediately after finding outabout her existenceshe doesn't talk abouthow her mom ignoredthe not so straight lines on her wristshow she was never confronted
Society like liquor
sip once, twice:
vice.
Rules,
wine and whiskey, blood and water,
What do you mean alcohol is taken lightly?
All my friends are drinking their money
They think it's funny
Losing their money
All my friends are playing with marbles
don't think it's harmful
losing their marbles
All my friends think life is a party
80 proof poured down his throat.
A captain on the bottle…
Demon water in his body
Perception muddled
Judgment kaput
Steps turned to stumbles.
Three in the morning
My mother was a white womanbut a woman, all the same.
For years, I never thought much of white womenIn fact, I didn’t think of them much.
I don’t know what he thinks.
Does he think nobody notices?
Does he think he acts the same?
It’s always a secret,
he never lets us see him drink.
He’s good about that.
But does he not understand
The fluorescents blink almost as fast as you when you're uncomfortable,
And of course we don't know what we did wrong,
but the wax on the floors might.
"I don't drink"
There was a time when those words were true
But now. . .
Well, not so much.
Now I love the feeling
Of drowning in a sea of fog,
On neither side of that thin line
At age 6 the world is full of adventure and
fun and you can make friends just because
you have a Barbie Jeep and Daddy's
always proud of you and one day you're going to be the
first person on Mars
He’s an alcoholic.
A genius, but moronic,
Meanest when he’s on it. Sedentary,
Practically a-biotic
As his eyes drooped then widened
He would take another shot
In the back of darkened corners
College?
What does it mean?
A lot of experiences?
A simple routine?
The first year living on campus is always quite something.
You make friends, relationships,
And even some enemies.
I know you love me, your love is true
But you have a funny way of expressing it,
And with that I haven’t figured out what to do.
It's 2 a.m., on a cloudy night
as the man trudges down the street.
He looks at the ground, then over his shoulder
as he stumbles over his feet.
In his hand, an almost-empty bottle of Jack
Dropping cocktail names because they sound so sweet
Auntie's house last night too easy, score some at the meet
When my parents divorced each other,
At the age of 5,
I told myself, I will be different,
I will succeed.
When cystic acne ravaged my face and body,
Last summer I drank my heart away and my insides became soggy. Sitting against alcohol my
A faint mysterious cloud rolls overhead.
Darkness comes along leaving room for regret.
Memories engulfed with tiny drops of rain,
Slowly warning this is no ordinary day.
Shut your mouth and listen to what it is I have to say
I will take you all back on that specific day
I was laying in my room listening to the two of you argue
A freshwater pond sits surrounded by trees,
Its water makes one feel refreshed and cool.
our life is filled with debauchery and decadence
we start wanting to be held
and scream at our discontents.
gratitude becomes meaningless bouts of words
and narssicism takes place
Stone, I waited on the couch,
Listening with every fiber of my being.
Unmoved, I squeezed tight my breath,
Hoping to hear words which weren’t there.
But the words that were there
There is one thing I am very proud of to this day
I don't drink alcohol and I am very proud to say
I am lost
I am a little girl named Alice
Trying to find my way back up the rabbit hole
The Rabbit,
Instead of telling me the time
He reminds me not to eat
I saw you last night, stumbling over sentences and pretending to be fine. All glassy eyed, nearly weeping through your own punch lines.
You act so tough,
You act so brave.
But really,
you are the empty beer bottles
that you used to hide.
you couldn't face the world
with who you really were.
you had this foundation
White washed windows
on a rusted pane,
the remnants of your laugh.
I should have grown strong
day by day,
but my knees fell too weak
and you slipped through my guard.
Remember the Night
She went to that party, she took that first drink,
She forgot about life, and drank the next drink.
The last time that I saw you,you were being pulled through the front door by police officers.
Round 1:
You ask your parents how they feel about gay people
"trash" "freaks" "sinners"
The quiet assumes
the guise of a room,
abandoned by many.
Ghosts of a family.
Once existed happily.
Outdated portraits grinning,
forgotten by the youth.
Ignorant of truth.
Breathing.Waking up late because IStayed up late.I wasDrinking.He wasAngry.Now I’mTexting.No answer.Texting.No answer.Texting.
I am broken glass,
yet you still try to touch.
And I know you were taught to
stay away from sharp objects.
I found your pictures on my closet floor
The only way of knowing you were here before
And I no longer get waves of tears anymore
One too many times, I swallowed away the pain
While all the time, you were buying my love
and I am still overdosing, choking on you endlessly
I watched you fall, limbs and sins
Sitting there watching all the pain you soaked in
Dancing on your heart, laughing at your words,
Speak, shout, they must know
It happened behind a closed door.
Arrogance, mannish poison coursing through his veins,
Twenty minutes ago she came in but left.
I’ve been exhausted in vain
Becoming a waste of space
Growing used to verbal abuse
For a minimum wage
10am, down the first glass
Drink off a half-remembered past
Dream-dappled sleep can't shake
You make me doubt myself
Hate myself
Make me not want to believe in myself
Give me the chills
Then knock me out
I was a fighter
Now you’ve got me pinned down
Between the thoughts and the clocks
The voices, they whisper drink drink drink
The addiction irresistible and you are unable to think
You feel the guilt and shame
You start playing the blame game
Past is a flask
Once filled and drunk,
Now bare of its liquor
Only the scent lingers on
Alcohol is the devil's way of making your life toxic
Don't succumb to the ways of drinking; Your life will become the next news topic
Alcohol will turn you away from the person that you really are
You really want to know what makes me tick?
This guy I know; he acts like a prick.
Does everything in his power to ruin our weeks
Doesn't consider thinking before he speaks
Forget Me Not
*controversial*
Morning sickness brings the blues,
Monthly cycle is overdue.
She was drunk that night,
Flinging morals in the wind,
Let me tell you a simple story
full of non-existent worry
about a small boy who lost his father
to a red and silver bottle
filled with liquor clear as light
You can find me
where the
dust sparkles
in the window
from the sun's rays
You can find me-
there
I'll be hiding
beside the curtain
blending into the wall
Why am I nor happy?
I have such a big porch for me alone.
I have the life that no one else owns.
I have gold that no other holds.
Why am I not happy?
I have all I want,
But something stands.
A devil in disguise
Appealing, but with a bitter taste
You feel his burn, but ignore it
I am living but I'm not alive
Everynight I let myslef cry
I go to sleep hoping to never wake up
I am living but I'm not alive
I've gone through things and I wish I died
I wake up but I'm still dead
Because it is vulnerable, an option, you might see.
Wide out in the open, entire visibility.
Kindness, is it only but a word?
A person who hears people's needs.
But oddly, sadly, is never ever heard.
You try your best to see the light.
In a blinding sheet of darkness.
You ignore and try to forget.
Close your eyes,
Go to sleep,
Dream of us-
As deep drums
Mark the beginning.
Ravenous human shadows
Singing brutal blood-stained
Aliveness is Deadly
Ashley Shea
He drinks to hide the shadow of his dimmed heart
Escaping to the clouds, floating
The alcohol, a manipulator
Tricking his dark soul into beholding false light
The alleyways are littered with broken bottles
Bleeding amber liquid
A fixer
Another boy pulls the trigger
And paints the dirt with
Something blue
"Why must love feel like a heart attack"?Some may sayCausing our hearts to sputter one final beatThump, thump, shhDifferent types of love lause different types
John, you were young and free,Fearlessly you fought when you did not agree.You were reckless to a fault,Had your knowledge come to a halt?
I said, “I only had one, just one beer.”They trusted me to drive them home that night.I said, “I’m fine; there is nothing to fear.”
I’ve seen the promising become promise-less, helpless, useless
A straight A student taking a straight edge razor to prescription pills
To heal the hell until she fell
Drowning neck high in alcohol
What I Hate
Do you know what I absolutely hate?
What makes me so sick to my stomach?
And my skin crawl with repulsion?
I’ll tell you what I hate:
I am holding a bladeUp to my wrist In the knife all I see is lies upon liesBut then I see youAnd your little blue eyesYou say put the kinfe down AuntieOr I will crySo I put down the kinfe
Outside
It seems as if she’s fine
Beautifully beautiful in every way shape and form
Her smile lights up the world as if god turned on the heavens
Well at least when she shows it
I down another bottle
To wash the pain away.
For a brief moment,
I feel a bit okay.
Fuck first semester
And financial aid and scholarship applications and just money in general.
And the 3.5 I needed if I wanted to come back.
And my parents.
And money
And society for revolving around money
he tells me to trust him...
he holds me so close...
frighteningly close...
i am shaking
he insists it was the drinks
but as he wraps his arms around my waist
Life's a party,
One you can never leave.
So live it up,
break it down,
and never regret anything you do.
Because in the end,
it makes you who you are.
There’s this ball in my throat,
Holding back what my eyes vent
I scan the room of distracted people
Accidently isolating me from their content
Act normal. Act normal.
What a small problem.
I remember the breeze blowing through the trees, blowing from the east, to the west,
we called it "fresh". The beaches would call out my name, it was the same way, everyday.
Lost.
Drifting absently through a void, separating my adolescence from my truth.
Fear snaps me out of my reverie.
Change Change Change, All about and all around
But it’s the wrong kind of change.
Two sisters young climb up a tree
In the snow of Christmas day
They peek over the fence to watch, to see
How the neighbor children play.
They climb back down, they go inside
mommy and daddy started yelling
they banished me and my sister to our room
we cover ouur ears to mask the shouts
we hope this will all end soon
the cops got caled again
two or three inside my house
Hollow Ghost of Red Heart
Ominous with frantic rage
Yet vindictive under the Vail
Luminous as starlight nights
Breathing Just Fine
Held under water
Gazing upon him
We fight for a way out
The sea blue runs black
Homeless individuals sleep with dreams of what they used to be
Now they have moved on leaving the new generation drowning sea to sea
No education, no temptation, to get a dream fulfilled
I try to find myself, but I've been lost for forever. It's like I'm going in a circle so you'd think I'd know better. I'm somewhat lost in a trance, I can't find myself. Took 34 pills disregarding my own health.
It's not just one time.
I know because you've said that before
"It's just one drink."
"It's just one hit."
"I promise, I could quit."
It's not fine!
So wake up!
A promise broken,You said you would keep me.You said you would stop,Mommy, Daddy can you hear me? A touch from God saved me,
*written in 8th grade
"Daddy's home!", Mom yells to her son from the front door
A few hours later, it's happy no more
Daddy drinks a beer and goes about
What always makes the boy scream and shout
Heres a story about a kid that got cauht up
Living the life of a college student that he thought up
He felt he was invincable in anything he did
When one fine night life stepped upon his crib
We inherited our fathers hatred
letting his words tattoo into our brains
and flow onto our tongues
every time we were bombarded with something new
these words fell from our lips
The taste of alcohol on his lips,
With nothing gained, nothing is lost,
The marks of a night spent together,
To part ways again when morning breaks,
Thoughts do love to wonder,
Drinking late, but it's really just morning.
Partying hard with only one participant.
Feeling dead when my body still breathes; these are my sad memories.
A childhood lost in a sea of Gin.
A rose, but one, none other rose did I have,
A rose, one rose, and this was a wondrous creation,
One rose a rose that brightened earth and sky,
One rose, my rose, that sweetened my breath and air,
I had yearned for so long
I had waited for too long
I died inside for too long
no love no compaasion
no warm embrace
not even a tender touch
quiet nights
desperate mornings
Black atmosphere, purple park on fire
my flesh desired
Black spiked hair with a bruised face
stepping, grass crunching, heart race
In the silent waves she saw herself,
Lost and confused, she cried for help.
Through the screams and moans that came tumbling out,
The distorted images that filled her with doubt.
No longer could she stand alone,
Yes, I will be. Yes, I am.
Yes, screw you,
You were not there.
You were in prison.
Remind me, why your Mia self can be snarky,
Questioning me as if I tasted
Like dog shit.
It feels like I been here before I feel familar with this scene these words theses actions I feel like its on everyones minds thoughts lips tounge, its been in every corner of the world this feel to familar yet it has no shape, nor organic matte
Where are you going,
I can't find you,
where are you going,
I just trusted you,
Where are you going tonight.
I just wanted you,
and I just needed you,
I am waiting, I am alone,
My life is like a bad fairytale.
Dragons lurk in every cave,
ogres in every shadow.
When I get to the place where the castle should be,
what do I see?
The evasive palace has escaped me.
I want to love you for forever and a day.
Til the sun comes down, and its time to lay.
Til, the wind blows and the seas roar.
I wanna be with you, but dont forget theres one more.
My blood ran cold as he looks at me,i shiver as his breeze past me, i look apon his face and i worry... why is this i wonder?
Hey Mr. Principal,
Hey Mr. Smith,
I hope you sit comfortably –
On your plush office plinth,
With all your private accolades –
That no one could care about,
To the varsity trophies –
Eventually
Eventually you’ll run out of tears,
Eventually you’ll run out of fears.
Eventually you’ll run out of sadness,
Love
a 4 letter word, though it holds so much gravity
yet we throw it around like something thats only worth a penny
Hate
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
All the cliques laugh away
While I sit and watch
Wondering where my friends are
Wondering where you are
Wondering why distance keeps us apart.
The teachers will lecture
Like an old toy,
Waiting to be played with again.
Collecting dust,
Thrown in a ben,
Taking up space in my room
Only fond memories prevent its doom.
But you’re not a toy.
Such a lonely ghost with a sad awakened soul
Such a depressed man with a bottle of vodka in hand
Vodka is see through
you know, somedayyou'll have to face themi mean your parentsand their ignoranceyou can't run foreveryou can't wash it away
You clenched at my chest,
For a sweet rational moment.
Heart drop.
Bottom rock.
The bitter grin
Made my face numb like gin.
The only
Substance
That can
Be
Absorbed
You show me the alchoholic that I truly am.
I'm constantly wanting just one more sip of your sweet breathThat when mixed with mineCreates the most perfect intoxicationI've ever let affect my vision
He smells like moonshine mixed with dried sweat
like smoky pines and a dead creek bed
He makes me cry as much as laugh and
he hurts me in the heart in my place for him
He looks like coal rubbed through his hair
Back when I was 16, I sw thrown whisky bottles put scars on my mother's face. She pranced around the rim of the bottle with unspoken dreams. I didn't want her to be lonely, So we pranced together.
Hello it was nice to meet you,I known you all my life,We grew up together,You was like the brother i never had,Every weekend and every summer i spend all my days with you,Riding bikes, going swimming, playing video games is what we did,But i never
My father was an alcoholic.
Maybe it's true that he still is.
Although he battles everyday,
His wounds are labeled 'anonymous'.
Anonymous is the word to describe many things.
Her eyes were swollen from all the tears
That she had cried,
For what seemed to be a thousand years
Is it going to get better?
She questioned her mom
But she, too, was feeling excruciatingly numb
I thought that I was normalThe average teenagerWho stressed about the futureThat loomed on my horizonAnd watched Pixar moviesAnd had nerf gun warsBecause adulthood was waitingTo snatch my childhood up
Repeating lies
to regain stress
but your constant reassurance
inables you to confess
Don't love the way
you hold your drink
just adore how every night
you're not required to think
Observe the young children.
Laughing
Playing
Shouting
Happy.
Soon some will crave
a drink or two
a smoke or two
a lovely high
a dull needle
a brusie from a lover
Sip by sip, I forget the words
Said by who I love and don’t
It doesn’t matter
I don’t have to care.
Bottle by bottle, I drown away
The harsh looks I get
I told him, baby, let's
go back to our childhood
Go back to those years of playing games.
Let’s go back to those better times when,
this hell, our life
could never erupt in flames.
A bottle of Jack rests on the shelf in the garage.
Alone and empty it sits, waiting for what?
To be replaced by another just like it?
You walk down the halls
Feeling scared and alone,
Pretending and wishing,
In your own zone.
You glance around,
Hearing laughter, seeing smiles,
Thinking to yourelf:
My life’s not worthwhile.
It's happening again.The same old phone calls at nearly 4am.Wondering if I should even pick up,Its pretty obvious what you want-You only tell me you love me after 2am.Once everyones gone and the liqour sets in. You dialate in the darkness,wander b
We drank to fade awayuntil it worked.When the morning light painted the bodiesthat we were still trapped in,we fell asleep;too exhausted to carethat we still existed.
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.
When I was 8 years old
I felt you become so cold.
Still, I tried to crawl in your lap for warmth
Shoulders prickling with Excitement
A bubble in my chest
Focus naught on any else
My thirst is unrelenting
And then I take a shot
Coursing through my veins
Like a soothing elixir
A lonley holiday, drinking to himself.
His hands in his pockets,more for comfort then warmth.
An unforgiving love. Haunts him.
Lost in a fit of insane incest, you woke me from my slumber, forcing my face to the pillows, hushing my tears with your murmurs, your eyes stood out vivid, yellow, with veins of deep red, your sweat matted my hair, & mixed with stale tears on
Old Man?
The day’s work is done and I put down the phone,
Grab briefcase and coat and set off for home.
I’ve twenty five minutes to get to the station
Then thirty five more to my destination.
For the mother who never sees her daughter for who she is,
Blinded by a chemical not worth what she’s already lost.
To the sister who comes home mid-morning,
She could feel the frozen slaps of the raging wind wiffing through her hair,
Driving 90 on the interstate not going anywhere, she won't be late, despite her fate.
Dear Aunt Wendy,
if you are reading this
please come home.
Because I saw you praise His name
And at night I watched you weep
Alocohol, Caffine, and NicotineSkipped AD’s, hellish dreams
Sex, drugs, out of bowlsOCD, no control
Depression and anxietyMind held captive, life lived free
I have green eyes
And brown hair
And a half hearted smile that I wear every day
I could be her
That beautiful girl in the magazine
The slender model on the tv
The woman I aspire to be
How can i trust you after what you did?
you were the light in a place with darkness you stole the innocence of a little kid.
how could evil hide in the face of kindness?
i believed you would protect me from evil,
I move forward past the old memories.
Past the one with the angry glare.
And past the one who slouched or became irate when I cried,
And past the one who slurred his words.
I remember the night,
when we had no place to go.
Being woken up by
my weeping mother and you,
my little brother-not so little now.
There had been nights like this
for years,
I’m drunk.
Not on life.
Not on hormones.
Not adrenaline.
I’m drunk.
Alcohol is my mister,
And I regret nothing
With him,
Or do I?
Hi new friend
Tell me how ya doin’
Very pleased to meet you
My name is Influence
Do you believe in me?
I’m sure you don’t
But I’ll show you some things
Your parents won’t!
the bottle sipped from your lipsintoxicating virtueleaving me to emergeas the art of an alcoholic.
(breathe sigh)
girls soaked in ginurged me to use my inside voice.
Here's something for you all.
My world is modern Technicolor;
vibrant, awe-inspiring, filled with wonder an special effects.
It is stunning.
It is my Xanadu
All I could dream for, and more.
It's the drink of men, past, and legend,oh, it's the drink of holy heaven.It's the drink that's wedded ol' men and babes,oh, its the drink for a good motivation.
A slight rumble, a faint grumble, it starts
And works its course ’til it wins over her heart
The ambiance urges, pushing her to merge and
The bright neon lights glistened and gleamed
Dancing and twirling across the black night sky
Before they were distorted by the blur
As the car went whizzing by
The warm summer night is teeming with magic
They say one of the most scariest things,
Is when people have to find themselves at the bottom of a bottle
To know who they are.
Well why do we do that?
History explains celebrations with alcohol...
Release
Sweet God I think I've got it.
Remorse
Where's my mind I think I've lost it.
Relief
All my dreams mix well with drinks.
Regret
All my screams are making make me sink.
Repeat
As a teenager, time and time again, I am asked the question, "want a drink?" My response to the request always catches the others by surprise. Do I want a drink? To me, this question is so much more.
On a Saturday night around 12 am I find myself lost in a haze of vibrations and hands
Pulling at my hips, while we dance
At the end of our meeting
With a name and a drink I was greeted
If I wandered into a bar and got drunk,
I would leave feeling pleasured and great,
Only to find my head spinning the next day.
Surely there is more to life.
Late at nightVodka on my breathCan't sleep, can't escapeNeed to get awayShadows in my mindShowing under my eyesWill to live fadesWith the light of the dayStruggling to breathe
I didn't even know I could write!
Isn't that funny? No one thinks they can write.
Well, no one thinks they can write well.
Actually, no one thinks they can write well *enough*
I'm whiskey and sadness poured into a shot-glass
Swallowed down for the burn so you can know how long your esophagus is.
I am lost loves and hung-out hopes with the sweet notes of rum on your tongue.
Get Em
Get Em
Get Em
Party Party Party
Cups stacked along the corners of a torn house
Aligned like a house of cards, fragile
Reeking of booze, alcohol
Oops spilled some on the floor
Put down the bottle,
is that too much to ask?
not a day goes bye
without your hand on that flask.
"I don't have a problem,"
"I'm just fine."
I've heard all the excuses,
many a time.
Cursing lights flood the dark,
Stains of grey upon the road
Twisting, Wrenching
Streams Slip
Slowly, slickly, down the damp
hills hidden behind the curve of my left shoulder
----suntanned, scarred----
What is it like,
being pretty, feeling special?
what is it like to have someone who would go all ends of the world for you?
what is it like to sleep every night?
Just one more drink you told me
Just one more pill you said
I wake up every morning
And expect to find you dead
The drug is your master that won't set you free
You choose it over life
You choose it over me
Some Day in November
Some Party Some Saturday
Some Absurdly Late/Early Hour
HOW DID THAT ONE SONG GO
THE ONE SUNG BY MATT DOYLE
“I’M SO SICK OF PARTIES.
I’M SO SICK OF BEING DRUNK.”
My best friend was the bottle.
My brother was the smoke.
I lived it up real good
Before life caught up and choked
Me out of my mind.
And now I see
That I was killin' myself.
Now all that I need
60-day chips from something united anonymous
Anxiety
Blame others, but your decisions are autonomous
Variety
Smirnoff, Burnett’s, Skyy, UV
Society
Idolizes and publicizes it, but what they don’t perceive
He was brought up in finest pride,
Desire matched all gifts,
Seized more than all a soul could need,
Much more than ever dreamed.
The wind shook the house on that cold, cold night
You were yelling at me, I didn't want to fight.
You stumbled down the stairs,
You stumbled into my room,
You grabbed me by the hair, and you blamed me.
Untamable
This space is cold
The name I chose
became the main chain-reaction to maintain with a brain too strange for the average face to smile at
so brace and don't
hate just cope
I came to hold
Silence amongst the house.
Dreadful peace in a home where the family has been cracked.
It’s a home in the sense that sleeping and eating occurs.
It’s home in the sense that we love out of despair.
Broken like the keys of an old piano,
Fake like all the lies that you've told her,
Tattered like the curtains of an old abandoned house,
Abused like a stray dog...
Broken like a rusty 1969 Chevelle,
At a crawfish boil I cannot fully make peace
With myself because I have frequent flashbacks
Of spring break in April of 2005 when I waited for my big
Sister Tori in that red and yellow sunset
For 3 days straight
One drink to wash away the pain,
Just one more,
One sip to cleanse the sorrow,
Just one more,
One drink to ease the suffering,
Just one more,
That will come tomorrow.
She ran from the bus after school to meet you,
to have you pick her up and spin around.
Her giggles infected you and you finally set her down.
Life is tough, so full of problems; look everywhere
Pregnant teen girls aborting, drunk drivers crashing
Oppressed children, drug addicts, couples breaking
Prejudiced against Muslim girls with covered hair
Oops.
I am not in love with you,
But I have written too many poems
With your names in all of the blank spaces
To ignore this feeling.
Man I’ve been studying all week and haven’t had a break
I need some fun and a night out to keep me awake.
Instead of the club I go to the gym
Then I get a text from him.
He won’t be able to talk on the phone tonight
I watched this thing called mother
Sunder and rupture
Spit fire and coal
Scream for a butcher
We children cry for reprieve from another
She sees only demons and conspirators
No children, no lover
I'd show him what he asked for
If he called me beautiful,
I'd take another shot
If I could prove that I'm fun,
I'd agree we were "just messing around"
If I could feel his love
On a night like tonight,
Scarlet Letter , a message to the masses
There's a killer in our sheets, so rap it up before you catch it
Or check it up before you pass it , no exceptions
To the slash list, so please avoid, the dash, on that
My blood
has turned into Jack Daniels.
Strange men take a ticket
to the three-ring circus.
The room has graffiti-
covered walls
and only one mattress
smelling of cheap perfume and latex.
Large boulders of smoke roll down your throat and coat your breath with the smell of false happiness. Yellow stained fingers cover a frequent cough. You sound more and more like your dog as the days pass.
Memories run tacky, syrupy slow
Flowing like the buzz of a bee,
The buzz of home, the buzz of familiarity.
And then--there it is.
Out of the lukewarm trickle of moseying thoughts,
I live my life by a code
To never get drunk nor high,
But people think me queer or rude.
My code exiles me from the cliques,
Never invited to outings or parties,
Never asked to stand in the student body.
Homelessness, anarchy, terrorism
This is reality.
Wars, drugs, abortions
This is reality.
Global warming, corruption, debt
This is reality.
AIDS, alcohol, smoking
This is reality.
I have an affair with depression
and apathy is just my side lover
self harm isn't caused by my self
it's the scars and bruises I put on my body every other
weekend
Do you not see your hurting her from the inside out
That soon tears that wish to rain become a sullen drought
Misery from the mornings start
Till night when the sun departs
No wounds visible for the eye to see
Sleeping deeply, always lightly
Never sweetly but always nightly.
Nightmares haunt me taunting softly
Leaking deeply into my reality.
Was it a dream or was it real?
These wicked thoughts are out to drown me,
Brilliance was burned away
We drank away our thoughts
Gambled which would stay and which would go,
We didn't know.
Insomniatic me.
Sitting alone, watching tv.
Man, I just want some sleep
My pillow is calling to me.
Hiding from certainty.
Making my own reality.
As sleep eludes me.
Mania grips vibrantly.
I drink this drink to ease my pain, but deep inside there is no gain.
I try my damnedest to fight the urge, but every time I only splurge.
A is for Alcohol the substance you were drinking
B is for Busted, the party you were at was busted
C is for Cops who broke up the party
D is for Driving, what you decided to let my sister do
Caw, caw, caw!
The crow goes.
Boom, boom, boom!
My heartbeat grows.
I stare at my window Waiting, waiting.
Fear enveloping my mind and soul.
I walk this haunting road,
Riddled with broken bones upon cobble stone-
Here where the ghosts all roam, I am at home.
Each stone cherub whispers a story to tell,
From quiet lies to lives of hell,
Do you remember life before
the bottle and the fist became your life?
Do you remember when
you use to smile more than once in a while.
Life before was so much better
Now I lay face down again because
She was,
Independent, Smart, Diligent,
Now she is,
Despondent, Weak, Pathetic--
She was,
my Idol, my bestfriend, My Mother.
Now she is,
a Lush, a deadbeat, A Stranger--
I watched you destroy your life
I could’ve said something,
I should’ve said something.
But no, I said nothing…
Did nothing.
Instead I watched you throw it all away.
You had a future ahead of you.
Are you my hero?
You told me you knew everything.
Does a hero have to know everything?
All I know is how you pretend to.
One can never see what goes on behind closed doors.
All you have is the insight from a young, bright-eyed girl, who just wants a chance.
A typical suburban family is not all as it seems.
Do you think about the someday things?
The details, technicalities, buttons up the back.
The names of your kids, if you’ll have kids,
Or an iguana, or an alcohol problem?
Your nasty wretched fumes roll off your stained lips
You look like a fool with your stuttering and your trips
The empty bottles around you must be equal to your heart
Because I'll never find the end of them once you start
Mom, I’m sorry
Your advice I did not take
I got into the car, mom
And now you’re heart is going to break
My little sister was with me, mom
She knew that it was wrong
But I convinced her it was okay, mom
I am young.
Blonde hair moves past my eyes,
As I play in the dirt.
My irises are big and innocent.
